Your dream for a happy and healthy marriage is not yet over if you could take a minute to fix up some things that make it this sick.
Your marriage requires your greatest investment and commitment, otherwise it can go sour anytime.
Talking of commitment, marriage is not a 50-50 situation, it is a 100-100 situation.
It needs the whole of you and not part of you. You cannot build marriage when you give to it your half commitment and investment.
Give your whole and things will work out. How do you fix what seems broken already?
I have a few suggestions to make. There are not in order of priority, but are highly recommended for healing any marriage or relationship.
Remember, getting out of your marriage does not mean things are better in the next one.
You will find the same sicknesses and your same attitude. So fixing things is the best way out.
- Chamisa under fire over US$120K donation
- Mavhunga puts DeMbare into Chibuku quarterfinals
- Pension funds bet on Cabora Bassa oilfields
- Councils defy govt fire tender directive
Keep Reading
lGet yourself out of destructive patterns
My good coach Robin Shama once said: “Do not live the same year 75 times and call it a life.” You should not make the same mistakes every year for all the years you have been married and call it marriage.
The same patterns have hurt you so much and hurt your spouse so much, but you are still sticking to them.
If you are going to improve and fix the hurt, get out of those patterns. You know the patterns yourself.
It does not matter your cultural or religious beliefs on those patterns, they are simply hurting you.
Put them aside to attain your dream. Every monthend you disappear with your pay. You “drink” all the money. Stop it and get out of it.
lStop dwelling in the past and get over old hurts Some people cannot move an inch from their past pains and hurts. They always bring the past into the current.
The past is a thief of the current joys and the future. To fix your marriage, let the past die and create a new future.
People who fix things have the capacity to let go of bygones.
Destructive people keep the past and continuously open the old wounds so they bleed.
It is like they love bleeding. It does not matter how hurtful it was, let it go so you can heel and grow and restore.
lRebuild your love Many things have happened and your love for your spouse has gone cold. You can redeem the times by working hard on rebuilding your love. How do I do such a hard thing? It takes courage and wisdom.
“Through wisdom is a house built; and by understanding it is established: And by knowledge shall the chambers be filled with all precious and pleasant riches,” Proverbs 24:3 and 4 notes. It is better rebuilding than trying to find new love elsewhere.
Whatever you find will be temporary and more hurtful because you carrying a wrong attitude.
lBecome a team Many couples operate as individuals. It’s just two individuals staying together going different directions, but claiming to be married.
You will have to break the wall of separation and become a team. Make decisions together and rally behind a common goal.
Team work becomes even more difficult when the other spouse is emotionally disconnected.
You will have to dig deep to connect with them to make team work real. You are stronger as a team.
You achieve more as a team. Marriage is a team institution.
lRestore romance You have been tense for a while and your passion has dwindled. What do you do to bring this fire up?
Spend time together. Give the right affection. You are not waiting to receive; your passion is to give.
Romance in marriage kicks up when both parties are givers and they outdo each other in giving affection.
Become friends again. That is the whole idea here. It is not necessarily about sexual intimacy.
It’s about rebuilding your batteries for each other.
Play together. I know that in our African context playing is for babies.
This is where we are missing it. Lovers play together to stay together.
lImprove your home environment Remove anxiety, fear, selfishness, silence and coldness that had crept in.
Help your spouse change and light up. Rekindling your spouse’s soul will be a process, but it’s doable.
Talk even if you do not feel like.
Laugh at anything. Bring in gifts. Meet needs willingly. Soften the home environment and make it inspiring.
This sounds hard and costly. I agree with you, but believe you me; it is easier and cheaper than trying to start elsewhere.
You can surely fix your relationship.
All you need now is an attitude that wants to fix and rebuild things.
Before you file for that divorce, give yourself and your spouse a chance and try these.
Marriage requires your full participation and co-operation as partners. You both have a duty to play.
lKilton Moyo writes in his on capacity as a pastor, counselor and Author of The Sex Trap.
You can call or whatsap on +263 775 337 207 or +263 772 610 103.
