Ndebele family life

News
The first of these is the family which is the smallest unit of the Ndebele society above an individual.

WE HAVE NOT abandoned the language aspect of culture. We will come back to it in the near future.

There are other aspects of culture which are equally important and just as interesting as language. The first of these is the family which is the smallest unit of the Ndebele society above an individual.

The Ndebele family is totally different from the English or European family generally. It is deeper, more diverse and far richer.

The concept of nuclear family, that is, father, mother and their biological children only is unknown among the Ndebele because it simply does not exist.

A more familiar concept is the extended family which is the exact opposite of nuclear family.However, the concept of family the world over takes into consideration the presence of a father and mother together with their biological children only as the basis of family life.

The extended family is the basic form of Ndebele culture, whether you are Nguni, Venda, Sotho, Kalanga, Nambya or Tonga. Those Ndebele people who have abandoned this culture have strayed away from the norm.

When a Ndebele man says “my family”, umuzi wami, imuli yami, abantwabami, he is talking beyond mere biological considerations.

Your family means also grandfather, grandmother, sisters, brothers, aunts, acquired individuals (adoption is a foreign concept) and any other persons who live in the homestead (umuzi).

The word family includes all persons who live together in the same home (umuzi) and whose day to day life impinges upon the lives of other members of the same umuzi .

The Ndebele family traditionally is patriarchal. Father is the head of the family and all members within the homestead defer to him.

The wife may have a stronger and more commanding personality than the husband but the Ndebele society expects her to submit to her husband. This is expected of all the persons who live within “his” homestead, kumele benze lokho okutshiwo ngubaba (not necessarily okufunwa ngubaba).

The difference is rather very subtle. So in a Ndebele family ubaba is the head and society expects him to play that role.

When problems arise within the home they are referred to father who has to solve them. He solves them not as a dictator but as a facilitator.

Because of the complexity of the extended family nature of the home many fathers tend to be on the hard line and are not ordinarily accessible to the children and other miners.

Ubaba uyesabeka (respected and not feared). However, father will interact with other senior members of the family and his decisions are influenced by their opinions. Where the family is smaller these considerations are less so.

Some families may be polygamous with two, three or more “mothers” in the home. This may result in a big homestead that has many children. The control and provision of the children is generally delegated to their respective biological mothers while father exercise an overall controlling influence.

Father’s presence must always be felt, otherwise kayisiyo ndoda yalutho. In a polygamous home there is always a head wife whose status and influence is somewhat greater and above that of the other wives.

To a small extent she may allocate duties and “command the junior wives, for example, to cultivate insimu kababa and may allocate other chores relating to their husband.

Of course all this has its attendant complications and tensions often arise, which ultimately father must solve.

Nowadays polygamy as a way of family life does not come into focus as it is dying due to various social shifts like the “difficult “economy, the influence of the Christian religion, society’s outlook and regard.

However, from the look of things it has not been abandoned but is rearing its head in the form of what is called the “small house”, (indlu encinyane).

The merits and demerits of this new and untraditional phenomenon belong to a different context . However, it impinges on the core of the family in that baba’s (father’s) attention is deflected as he finds himself sharing himself and his resources between “his home” and the needs of the “small house”. In the process the father figure is affected.

In a typical family situation we must project the influence and the presence of the wife, the mother of the children.

Socially, within the home, mother’s influence dominates. She decides what food the family will eat and at which times. Naturally, she is more intimate to the children and their relationship with her are closer and more relaxed than with the father. Generally speaking good children reflect a good mother.

She can influence the pace and tone of the home as she guides, directs and advises the children. Most fathers are more away than present at their homes, either because they are at work or fraternising with other men at beer parties (emadodeni).

Next we will look at the day to day goings on at a homestead in order to understand more clearly the Ndebele family culture. If charity begins at home, similarly culture begins at home.

Here are some negative (adverse) remarks summarising what we have observed so far:

  • UNyandeni kayisiyo ndoda loyana wehlulwa ngumuzi
  • UMampunzi liqhalaqhala lomfazi elilamehlo esiphundu
  • Ungangitsheli ngaye lowo wadlula zisengwa koyisezala
  • Yindoda bani leyo ehlala phezu kwenduku emzini wayo ?
  • Abantwana bakoDube bangumhlambi kazelusile