INFIDELITY, indifference, ignorance, skirmishes and at times ending up with a bitter bang of divorce is what characterises some marriages.
This road of relationships and marriage is not easy; meaning it can’t be just left on auto pilot, but concerned parties should work it out, spruce-it up and spice it up.
Our past articles on relationships have opened a Pandora’s Box and that is going to be the core discussion of the day. One woman called this writer and said about her marriage:
“We have five children together. The first one is in Upper Six and the last ones are twins who are in Grade Two. We used to go out together. We loved each other at first, but now he is hard to go by. I when I communicate on the area of sex he tries by all means to avoid it. I do everything to satisfy him, but still he goes out to small houses.”
This lets you sink in your chair with wonder as to what one should do. Let’s get views coming through. Our WhatsApp facility is: 0772 581 918. Let’s help this marriage and some relationship in the same condition.
There are some married people that can’t let their spouses have their phone. They are afraid that their messages could be discovered or their calls from this “secret sweet stranger” will be answered. When they leave the phone it’s with tight security of passwords and no one can have access to their sweet secrets.
Other people seem to have just lost that sex drive; they are disinterested.
There is no romance and great sex anymore. They attribute that to fatigue because of work. In real fact, they are enjoying this “golden act” outside their matrimony with someone else, if it’s not because of medical reasons.
Before I got married, one of my close advisors told me an old statement which has stuck with me for some years now. She said that the grass seems greener on the other side. Water your own marriage so as to maintain that feeling you had when you were still dating.
What if you were caught red-handed? What would you do? When Some people find out that their partner is cheating break off because they feel used as a door mate. Extra marital affairs usually happen after there is a problem in their marriage. Some people seek revenge.
Some people have this feeling that their partners could be cheating on them. They have no evidence, but they have the insatiable jealousy. They follow their spouse where they go. They always check on their spouse’s phones.
They are not so sure and always suspicious. When their partner is away, they think someone is doing something with them. That could be dangerous. It is self imprisonment. They are not at ease, even when an opposite talks to their partner. Surely life is too short to leave in this situation.
There are many reasons why people cheat. Some can’t say no. They attract the opposite sex into their space and feel bad to disappoint them and end up jumping into bed with them. To some, especially men, it is a means of boosting their ego. They feel not men, enough and they have to conquer as many women as they possibly could. I was talking to close relative and she said it’s in the blood stream of men just to have more than one and she says she would not be surprised to find out that her man had another woman.
Some people cheat on purpose. They know that they no longer have a feeling for their spouse because they have been neglected or disrespected. So they use cheating as an exit strategy to their current relationship.
In such instances, some cite lack of sexual satisfaction in their formal marriage. They know that when they are caught, they will be ditched off and that is what they wanted in the first place.
Being in the company of people who cheat can taint your world view and see cheating as a natural act.
Before I got married my grandmother would tell me to my face that what I was looking for in a woman for sexual satisfaction was uniform in all women. Some men married to slim women would dream to have sex with fat women and it has been the case with those married to stout women; they want to taste the slim ones.
This creates a disloyal world in trying to find out what’s beneath that body. Marriage is not made of big boobs, neither is it by good looks or six pack; but there is more to it. One speaker once said don’t let your hormones control your head, but let your head control your hormones.
Opportunistic sex is when a person is presented with an opportunity to have sex because it is convenient to do so. This is prevalent in distance love, with a collage mate, with the secretary in the office or just with the girl next door.
Parting point: Some people who cheat they have not fallen out of love, but there could be something they are not getting. There could be lack of romance or emotional satisfaction.
Some people cheat with people they know, it could be at work, a former school or college mate. Because of their closeness it ends up being intimate.
Whatever the case it’s still called cheating. How do I know that someone is cheating on me? How do we solve this problem? Let’s continue the talk on Face book and WhatsApp as we build stronger marriages.
Jonah Nyoni is an author, success coach and motivational speaker.