MARRIAGE is one of the strongest institutions in the Ndebele culture. It derives mainly from three sources namely,
Marriage of own choice,
Marriage deriving from social pressure,
Marriage resulting from a combination of the two above.
These may be looked at as REASONS for marriage among the Ndebele. Marriage can also be looked at from the point of its purpose as an institutional medium for society’s PROCREATION ( a very important element in Ndebele) and also for the promotion of SOCIAL INTEGRATION.
Because of these reasons marriage was highly promoted among the Ndebele to the extent that the presence of unmarried women was more of an exception, rare and unacceptable. Society took care that every woman had a husband: Bamhugele indoda ize imkhombise; ayozilahlela kuleyo ndoda abona imlingene.
Perhaps these will need an explanation at a later stage . But it is a significant point that Ndebele has no similar word to mean “spinster” simply because it was not a recognised thing. Spinstership was nullified by the institution of marriage.
When reading this article it should be borne in mind that this not a research paper nor is it a scholarly presentation. Hence it does not quote any authoritative sources nor does it give references.
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Facts are simply presented as they pertain on the ground . Other opinions, pro or against, are invited.
Reasons for marriage
Marriage of own choice A young man saw a girl he loved. He proposed love to her and if she accepted him they nursed their love until they came into the open and informed their families in the traditional way.
Family negotiations culminated in the marriage of these two. Marriage was an expression of the natural love between a man and a woman.
In Ndebele society sisters, aunts, uncles and who not, participated in nursing and encouraging and promoting that love affair: Intombi yomntanomnewethu; intombi yomzawami, etc they encouraged the two to marry and so preserve their love for each other.
This is to say that the Ndebele people realised that love between a man and a woman could be lost if it did not culminate in marriage which was seen as a permanent institution (without making vows before who and obtaining certificates from wherever).
In this sense marriage stabilised society because a man had a duty and responsibility to his wife.
When discord set in between the two an aunt could say: Hawu, Nyembezi! Kakusuwe owawulala uqansa imimango, udabula umnyama olempisi udinga uMaSiziba? Lamuhla sekutheni? Suka bo, akuhlalisane kuhle lomntanomuntu. This was both marital and societal discipline.
Marriage deriving from social pressure Ungangile. Ubusithi uyadlala. You thought you were playing smart lomntanomuntu.
Isisu nte! Now whose shall she be? Society will not allow you to ditch her because you have spoilt her chances of getting someone else to marry. Love? No love? The Ndebele did not think along those lines. More often than not even such marriages became permanent.
Ukupha indoda or ukuphiwa umfazi was binding on both the man and the woman. The question of right or wrong did not arise. Ndebele society accepted it as a social way of the marriage institution.
What husband of what status you were given to is not the point of this discussion. For the man (ophiwayo) the saying is, Umfazi kaliwa. You do not look a gift horse in the mouth.
The point made above that Ndebele society made sure that no woman lived without a husband applies in this case. Wayephiwa (she was given a husband) and of course the man given could not say no. That would be against the norms of Ndebele society.
Equally , if a woman (girl = intombi esikhulile) found herself stranded and was without suitors she could not stand the stigma of being without a husband.
Ndebele society did not accept that because such a one would not maintain a stable character. She was vulnerable to abuse.
She then decided with or without anyone’s consultation to pick up all her scarce belongings and she went to a man of her choice and without giving him notice he found her there laye ayifunde ivalwe ukuthi intombi le ilandeni. No questions. The marriage had thus been contracted .
Love, no love? Your guess. The marriage lasted. This, however , was a rare occurrence. The woman knew and appreciated her status in society and she surrendered herself to a man accordingly.
It was taboo in Ndebele for a girl to propose love to a boy she loved. Wayefela ngaphakathi njengebutho likaTshaka. However, she had indirect ways of inducing the boy to propose love to her.
All this was in order for her to get a husband. Usually this approach was supported by her friends, the boy’s sisters or aunts who she befriended and talked good things about the boy to them.
They in turn influenced the boy “to try her”. As a result of encouragement of his relatives love grew in the boy’s heart and the two eventually made a comfortable home together with her.
It should be pointed out that the marriage system was sound and solid among the Ndebele. It was not a hit-and-run affair as we see today. Amandlwane nje!
It was built on solid foundation, whatever its origin. Society supported the young couple. Their marriage was everybody’s affair in the community: “ Livukile makoti? Nangu uNakaNgcipho uthi uzekubingelela” “ Makoti, nanku umbhida uphekele umkhwenyana.”
Such little and seemingly insignificant acts consolidated the marriage. You see, marriage was a corporate institution. Even polygamy was respectable . It was open and transparent. No “small houses”.
The polygamous home itself was a big, respected and disciplined institution where mothers and their myriad offspring gave father his right place.
The combination of marriage of own choice and social pressure usually resulted from the uncontrolled behaviour of the two lovers who allowed their erotic emotions to rule them.
The resulting pregnancy caused their families to demand that they marry. They may have not been ready yet but their actions accelerated the event.
There were times when either the boy or girl was not sure of the long commitment of the other and thus allowed a pregnancy to occur. This was not very often.
The next article will discuss PROCREATION and SOCIAL INTEGRATION as fundamental elements of the marriage institution.
