Preventing marital problems

I am one person who believes so much in the family and its eternal power and capacity to correct the ills faced by society today.

I am one person who believes so much in the family and its eternal power and capacity to correct the ills faced by society today.

All we have to do perhaps is to come to terms with this reality that family is the foundation of society and all life and that God intended the family to be a place of love and not violence.

Gender-based violence and all its forms are a pointer to a family system that is no longer natural but has been hugely corrupted by politics, economics, culture, religion and human traditions.

In the 16 days of Activism concerning violence against women and children, I think we would have done ourselves greater service by focusing on the restoration of the family system in our communities.

All of us everywhere can be of great help in this effort. The first area we must look into is dealing with marital problems which I believe lead to all these other problems.

By teaching biblical principles about marriage. The God of the Bible created the family and marriage. You cannot separate the two.

Marriage is the foundation of the Family. Unless God builds the house, they labour in vain that build it,.

Psalm 127. If all of us could embrace this truth and begin to teach biblical relationships between husband and wife, parents and children, and men and women, I think the families would become stronger and safer and hugely reducing violence against each other.

By stressing the importance of marriage enrichment, and commitment to marriage. People need to understand that marriage is a permanent union. Its covenant and not a contract. It is not based on spousal performance but on unconditional love.

It actually symbolises the mystic union Christ has with His Church and that is why husbands are encouraged in the Bible to love their wives as Christ loved the church.

Nothing must come in between your love and you must learn to protect your love for each other against all other tribulations.

The challenge we face is that every problem is seen as the failure of love. This is a lie and this is what afflicts many marriages today.

There is therefore need to invest in this union by attending marriage enrichment seminars, reading books and even engaging Christian counsellors.

These will help you focus on each other more than problems. Anything you love and value is worthy your investment. Most of our couples would invest in everything except their marriages and families, but still expect miracles. You do not need a miracle in your marriage, you just have to work on it or you will lose it.

By using the wedding as a teaching tool. There are so many weddings these days. These are platforms that all those concerned about the violence in the family can utilise.

Why not use these to teach meaningful things and encourage marriages and communities. One reason why there are so many unnecessary problems in marriage is the wrong reasons why people get married.

Competition and the desire to outdo each other or even to show you have more faith than the other person lead to a lot of pain in many young marriages particularly in the body of Christ.

To me weddings are a great platform that all of us should be using to spread the good news about marriage and family. Before the wedding and at the wedding, use the time wisely.

By teaching principles of communication and conflict resolution and encouraging the use of counselors. Many problems are communication based and it is important to equip couples with communication skills.

Many couples are poor in communicating with each other. They think that shouting or remaining silent is good communication.

Many couples do not know how to handle conflict If you cannot handle conflict in the marriage, I can assure you that you will not be able to handle any at the family level. Sit down to listen to reasons given for divorce, separations, fighting and other problems, you will agree with me that it is simple lack of conflict resolution skills. The Bible is so full of these skills and these are relevant to every context in all cultures.

I believe that if you can deliberately teach and train couples on handling conflict you would have empowered the whole family. Couples nowadays have no patience for each other.

They are so easy to give up and quit and have no time to fix things. They live in this deception that if she or he goes, I will get another one. This attitude comes from ignorance on what marriage is all about.

My encouragement today is that we be a family and marriage teaching community. If we strengthen these, we have won the war against violence. God bless the family in Africa.

Kilton Moyo is a pastor, guidance and counselling consultant and author of Responding to Personal Crisis. You may call or WhatsApp on +263775 337 207/ 712 384 841.