There has always been conflicts in the family right from as far back as history can tell.
By Kilton Moyo
However, nowadays it will appear like there is serious enmity in the family making it so unsafe and in danger of losing its purpose.
Fathers are enemies with their children. Husbands are enemies with their wives. Parents are enemies with their offspring and siblings are also great enemies.
There is so much anger and bitterness to the point of people not talking to each other or even killing each other.
Witchcraft and idolatry run havoc in many families making the family so unsafe for many children and even parents.
The Bible says in Psalm 127:1 “Unless the Lord builds the house, they labour in vain that build it . . . ” Surely many of us have laboured in vain as we see our families get destroyed, not by outsiders, but by ourselves through our attitudes and choices.
Family is a place of love, unity, growing together, grooming, coaching, learning and above all producing for God and His purposes.
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All these are now under serious threat, with childhood being manipulated and violated, fatherhood infiltrated by clowns and pretenders and motherhood so enslaved and abused. What could be the reason for such a sad state of affairs in the family? May I suggest a few?
lLack of serious and Godly leadership in the family. Most of us parents are not giving the kind of leadership God expects from us.
It is either we are brutal, lukewarm or totally passive and too permissive.
Everyone does as they please. The reason for this is lack of vision in the family.
We lead by chance and we do not know what we want to do or produce.
Very few families have family visions shared amongst everyone in the family.
Any institution or organisation without a vision is bound to crumble as it leads people to nowhere. Nothing defines its character, morals and values.
A family cannot operate on a jungle rule “chamuka inyama”. It must be jealously guided to a certain destiny and standard. Even when members go astray, they will come back finally to the right track.
lBelieving a hellish lie that a girl child is worthless compared to a boy child.
Many fathers believe this and see no value in their girls. They see them as objects for sale.
A child is a child, male or female and they both deserve parental love and training and support.
Many families squabble when a girl is born. Fathers want sons and therefore blame their wives for giving them girls only.
This is also based on serious biological ignorance on the part of fathers.
Who determines the sex of a child, the father or the mother? A woman has xx chromosomes while a man is xy chromosomes.
X is female and y is male. When the husband releases x, the child is female and when he releases y the child is male and so if there is any blame game, who must be blamed here?
lCorrupt religious beliefs that women are inferior. Beloved this is a lie.
Scholars of this lie take it from Genesis 3 and claim that God cursed the woman and made her inferior to a man.
There is nothing like that. The woman was never cursed. Humanity is one. Man and woman are one humanity and of the same value and quality therefore.
lSeeing children as thoughtless people. Many of us parents do not value our children enough. We think they cannot think or reason. We go to the extent of rubbishing them and dismissing them entirely from any family processes.
Children are of great value and are complete human beings too.
As a parent, what do you see when you look at your child? The bible says that in heaven, when the angels look in the eyes of these little ones, they see the face of God.
Many of us see differently and we begin to call them names, thieves, prostitutes and whatever. This is sad.
When you do not see any value, you will not pay attention and invest your love and life in grooming the child. Many children are victims of our value systems as families and as communities.
We are at a time when the families are in need of fathers who can protect their children no matter what.
It does not matter how much your child messes up, but I believe that your role as a father is to protect, groom and restore. Do not cast out and throw away your offspring like that.
Many of us fathers are carrying bitterness and disappointments in our hearts, but the best way forward is to learn to forgive because your forgiveness heals and restores.
I can assure you that there are many young people dying inside of them because they messed up and dad never forgave.
Let home be the best place for healing and protection. Let us make our homes so full of love that our children, beaten up by the world may have a place to run to and hide.
As much as God is our hiding place, may fathers be the hiding place for the children in trouble.
It is a pain when children run away from home to the world instead of them running from the world to their fathers’ house. Make your house a refuge for the family.
Kilton Moyo writes in his own capacity as pastor, counsellor and author of The Sex Trap. Call or whatsapp on +263 775 337 207, +263 712 384 841 or +263 772 610 103.
