Virginity: to lose or not to lose?


In the old days, waiting till you get married was not a problem because one could get married at the age of 16 or 18, but these days it could mean remaining a virgin till you are 40 or older.

While waiting could mean saving yourself from heartbreaks, unplanned pregnancies or even STDs – it also means that you would be committing yourself to someone who you are sexually incompatible to.

From a very young age young ladies are encouraged to preserve their virginity for as long as possible or up until marriage. Is this still a reasonable expectation?

On the other hand, just ‘doing it’ could make you settle for the wrong partner because you think the sex is great, and that’s all that matters.

“What seems to happen is that if couples become sexual too early, this very rewarding area of the relationship overwhelms good decision-making and keeps couples in a relationship that might not be the best for them in the long-run,” Dean Busby, of Brigham Young University’s School of Family Life, told LiveScience.

So where do you draw the line?

Here are some advantages and disadvantages to help you make a better decision:

Disadvantages of waiting

  • Lack of Connection

Saying someone is perfect for you means knowing that you both connect on all levels. Not having sex could mean missing out on a more intimate connection with your partner.

  • Lack of Experience

Everybody wants their wedding night to be a memorable experience not one filled with the pain and discomfort associated with losing ‘popping the cherry’ or clumsiness and awkward moments.

  • Unhealthy Expectations

TV and movies give unhealthy expectations of the sexual experience. So one might go in expecting to see the heavens open and to be filled with instant joy but end up with disappointment.

Advantages of waiting

  • No negative consequences to deal with

This means not having to worry about having unplanned children, no stress about contracting STDs from a cheating partner and no heartbreak from losing someone whom you gave a special part of yourself to.

  • Won’t miss out on the blessing of the wedding night

Your wedding night will be very special because after the long wait, you will finally get to share an important part of yourself with the person you have chosen to spend the rest of your life with.

  • Good example for children

You will one day get to tell your children: “I saved everything for your father/mother” and know that you have set a good example for them.

– Sowetan Live