Handling personal problems


MANY people these days face a lot of challenges and many are so depressed and stressed and have lost hope. Many feel defeated and sinking under the heavy yoke of their troubles.

It is human nature to attribute their problems to a lot of things such as bad luck, witchcraft, being black, being uneducated, politics, background, demons and many more.

It does not matter what you think the source of your problem is, but I want you to know you can solve it. What matters the most is how you respond to that problem, how you carry yourself and what you think, say and do in that situation.

Many of our people are traumatised by their responses to problems more than the problems. Some have killed raped, destroyed property, committed suicide and done a lot of stupid things in response to problems. Their responses have become so costly to them and even to society.

The current violence is a response to some challenges, but it is not a constructive response. It is not human to respond the way most of us do.

I want to give you a few tips on how best to respond to your problems without even hurting yourself and other people around.

    • Know what the real problem is in your “problem”. Have all the truth about it. The truth will help you respond appropriately. Many people mess up in their responses because they ignore simple facts in a problem particularly about their own contributions to the problem. Not everything in that situation is a problem. Know and deal with the real issue.
    • Take responsibility. First understand your own contribution to the problem and own up. Many miss the mark because they refuse to be responsible and want to play Mr /Ms Perfect. The moment you blame others only for your problem, you might not solve it. Your problem has prolonged and escalated because you are not taking responsibility.
    • Dominate your problem. Do not allow your problem to dominate you. Allowing your circumstances to control you is serious invitation to failure and this is the trap for many people. They are so dominated by their problems and the problem now dictates how they should live their lives.Instead you must dominate your problem. This depends on your willingness to solve your problem. The Bible teaches that if you are willing you will eat the best of the land. The challenge, however, with some people is that they want to think they can benefit from the problem while others think the issue will just disappear like that.Many people would like to make business out of their problems. This is wrong mentality and leads to pain and poverty. It’s either you solve that issue or it will solve you.
    • Learn to say “I am sorry.” Your problem would not have cost you this much had you learnt to say sorry to people. Sometimes you will have to say sorry even if you know you are right. To make peace is costly. The biggest challenge is the desire to be always right and this does not solve anything in this life.Many are in hospital, prison or even dead, because they were so arrogant they could not humble themselves, swallow their pride and say “sorry”. To say sorry, will bring you greater relief.
    • Accept to be wronged. The challenge many of us face is this desire to be always the correct or right ones in any circumstance. You are the only one who cannot be wronged, but can wrong others. I think this is selfishness and this is the fire in that situation. The Mr. Right attitude is a disaster to many.Society is full of this attitude and this is the breeding ground for violence. I call it the soul of violence. It derives its power from pride and I can tell you that pride is more destructive than your perceived problem. There is nothing wrong with being wronged.

Accept and let go of things. You cannot make people pay for wronging you all the time.

Humility is the greatest mark of maturity and this lacks in a lot of people. Humility is a great problem solver.

  • Do not seek to revenge, but rather seek to forgive. Do not seek to be understood, but rather seek to understand others from their point of view too. The desire to revenge has hurt many and it is not of God.You worsen your situation by revenging. This never solves a thing, but simply poisons the whole situation. Revenge never makes you equal, it makes you worse off. It lends you into even more trouble. I think revenge is criminal and you cannot solve anything by being criminal. Extend a hand to forgive and do not hurt.

Handling problems requires a great deal of ability. Society is messed up today because of her inability to handle simple problems. Human beings are meant to dominate these and not what we see today. See you next time.

 Kilton Moyo is a pastor, guidance and counselling consultant and author of Responding to Personal Crisis. Call or WhatsApp on +263 775 337 207/ 712 384 841.