Marriage is a very fascinating subject yet so misunderstood. This week, after have written so much on cheating let’s do self introspection.
I have received numerous views and from the look of things marriage is one institute that is under siege, and we should not point fingers only, but work on “self” for the benefit of your spouse.
More questions continue to linger without answers. You could be asking: Did I really marry the right person?
So much has changed since our marriage day; our dating stage was great and not to mention honeymoon, but now we are no longer compatible?
My heart seems not to be having any space to love her and I can’t really describe what went wrong?
He provides for the family, but has little or no time for me anymore. We have since lost touch? There is no more romance anymore and he comes home late.
The other question is: she seems not to care anymore about her body?
She has gotten so fat, scruffy and I can’t handle it? When we first married her body was great, her face was cute and everything about her was a perfect cut, but that has since vanished?
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You could be having those questions too; here are some tips to keep your marriage working:
- Pin down pride; let her win! People have a tendency to want to outwit others. I am one such who would always want to win any argument, but I have since discovered that this does not help. After winning, what’s next? You feel good and right, but the other person has been brought down. The bigger picture would show that pride is toxic factor in marriage.
- She is concerned more about you not so much of other things. The world we live in is getting so much busy. This leads to most men having less time with their wives. This makes husbands to be aliens to their wives and children. It time we build our marriage; by so doing we build stronger families.
- What does your mouth spew out? Most marriages have been massacred merely by words. Minds not mouths; mould better marriages. Learn communication skills though seminars, books and counselors. A Latin writer, Publilius Syrus once said; “I often regret that I have spoken; never that I was silent.”
- Listening serves a great purpose. Everyone has that eager to speak, but if we listened more and spoke less we more add more value to marriages.
- Are you worthy the salt of respect? Respect should be earned and not force others to respect you. Respect, value and love your spouse and see the results!
- How independent women have missed it. The I-Can-do-it-all attitude is at time dangerous especially for affluent women who have the financial clout. Let your man do some things for you. As a man I want to be part of the game by getting involved! “Most men seeking wives are not looking for executives but someone with allure and willingness to flatter and make them superior” (Paul Popenoe, former Director of the Institute of Family Relations in LA).
- I can’t handle unrealistic expectations. Everyone has a model of what they want of their spouse. We are mainly coined by the environment we live, people that we associate with and past experiences. That shapes the way we think and make choices. However, the person that we get married to has different world views and different expectations and don’t expect them to always fit in your mould.
- Secrets can spoil the whole meal. The question is: Should secrets be kept or said? Most people have secrets; this could be of past affairs, illicit affairs, mistakes they made weaknesses. If not wisely managed, secrets ruin marriage. Secrets are as bad as small crack in a strong building, they seem insignificant but eventually that damage the entire structure of marriage.
Parting Principle 7: Learn from that have walked in this journey At a recent marriage seminar, Judge Dube, an author, marriage expert and preacher said: “I am a legalised dealer in child manufacturing, because I am married, all others doing it outside marriage are practicing ‘blacking’ marketing.”
“People must get married and remain married to enjoy these benefits of marriage”. Need I say more? Enjoy your marriage!
