SOME cultural marriage practices are dead and will not come back again.
Others linger on and will be with the Ndebele nation for a long time to come. Some of those that are dead are those that have been abandoned because they no longer fit into the modern world or have been legislated against.
A good example is ukupha umntwana indoda which nowadays is seen as infringing upon the individual’s right to make her own choice.
As a result there are laws that forbid the practice. A similar practice was ukuzalela whereby a man was promised a “wife” of an unborn child, that is, “Mkhwenyana ngizakuzalela umfazi – ngingazala inkazana”.
It is similar to but somewhat different from arranged marriages of some Asiatic groups. A strong feature of these marriages is that there were no divorces. A man valued the wife he was “given” as a precious gift.
Other customary practices have been replaced rather than just abandoned. There are many examples which are worth mentioning. A good example is ukubalekisa.
If the parents of the girl were not favourable to allowing their daughter to marry a certain youngman the two , that is, the youngman and his girlfriend (intombi yakhe) hatched a plan for the girl to skip from her home at night. Of course uganga lwakhe luyabe lummelele ngaphandle komuzi.
Together they will hasten to the boy’s home under cover of darkness. He “hid” her in his ixhiba until next morning. He then announced to his family through his sister, or aunt or mother ukuthi kulomuntu wemzini endlini yami.
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There was hushed rejoicing but much apprehension in fear of the repraisals from the girl’s family.
The youngman’s father conferred with his immediate relatives and they sent a messenger to say, “Dingelani ngapha”.
Without getting into further details it is noted that because of a changed social shift this practice has been replaced by the system of masihlalisane which is a new arrangement whereby the youngman and intombi yakhe simply decide to stay together.
This is usually done away from the family home of either of them and their parents are kept out completely from the arrangement. They could even formalise this as a legal marriage without involving their parents.
This practice goes against traditional norms and breaks the hearts of parents on both sides.
How are they to be recognised as umkhwenyana and umalokazana? The makoti concept that we have written so much about simply falls away.
Another practice that is experiencing replacement is polygamy which is being replaced by the “small house”.
The Western world will not understand this expression, but it has been copied from them in their attempt to suppress polygamy.
You see, polygamy in one form or another is a world phenomenon and there is no way to exterminate it. Which country has males that have no secret mistresses? In Africa men do not sin when they practice polygamy but in the Western world most men are sinners for practicing illicit polygamy (mistresses).
Polygamy is socially unacceptable nowadays in most countries because it infringes social and cultural Christianity according to a brand of biblical interpretation. Polygamy is open and honest.
The point we are making, however, is that polygamy as a marriage institution is fast being displaced by the “small house”.
We observe that polygamy from the economic view is not more expensive than the “small house” system when considering the demands of the “small house”. You are supporting that many (two, three) separate families and you are causing several heartaches and more problems.
If you say the best way is not to involve yourself in these matters at all you would be advised to get out of this dark world of sin.
In earlier articles we have compared umthimba and umtshado. The two are not the same but what has happened is that they have been blended by incorporating some elements of one into the other.
This is more noticeable in the rural areas where you have umthimba as a distinct group of people coming from the bride’s village accompanying her to the bridegroom’s village.
In a rural wedding the villagers still receive the coming in of the bridal party ngokudubula bathi , “Woza laye” and at some villages umakoti uthelwa inyongo and they require umlobokazi to do the traditional ukuqhobozela. All these are elements of umthimba which still remain.
Meanwhile, umlobokazi will be dressed in the Western wedding gown and so on. Kusekhona ukukhunga ngosiba lwenkukhu for a hen/cock gift, ingqathayi zembuzi for a goat or ubulongwe for a cow. Such gifts were collected after the wedding ceremony was over.
Nowdays even in rural areas all sorts of modern gudgets are given as wedding gifts. Also , the term umtshado is more in use than umthimba and the two terms may be used interchangeably.
It may be useful to observe that while the transition from the traditional ways to the modern ways has certain advantages especially for women, such as the inheritance of family property, maintenance, protection from violence and abuse and so on, it has certain disadvantages.
Most young women nowadays refuse to recognise and take their place in the home. The struggle for equal rights is some times taken to extremes.
They do not accept that the man, their husband, is the head of the family and that, therefore, he has the final say.
This is more so if the wife is working and is getting a salary while the husband may be unemployed or is the kind ohlala phezu kwezandla and does nothing to contribute anything for the family welfare. Or the woman has acquired good educational qualifications indoda yona ingafundanga okuya ngaphi.
Under these circumstances they are frequent conflicts and there is little peace at home. The following altercation between Mkheswa and his wife Magadlela is not surprising.
Mkheswa : Wena Saneliso . . .! Uyangazi nje ?
Magadlela: Yini yakho engingayaziyo?
Mkheswa: Uyahlanya – uphendula bani kanjalo? Ngizakukarabha mina, o!
Magadlela: Tshiyana lami. Hambokarabha idonki yakho.
Mkheswa: (Emuthi hlasi ngengalo) Uthini?
Magadlela: (Ephunyula ingalo yakhe) Kanti uzwe ngisithini?
Omunye uyalibeka ilizwi, lomunye laye alibeke. Pho ungaba ngumuzi bani kungekho othobela omunye?
