Keys to a happy marriage

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RELATIONSHIPS

NO two people can walk together unless they are generally in agreement. Marriage is a life walk for two people in agreement, in all things.

Things become very difficult when the couple fails to agree on simple issues that make marriage work and enjoyable.

In my view, marriage was never meant to be complicated and burdensome if couples could employ the principles of agreement.

However, by experience and observation, I realise that many couples do not have time to sit down and agree on things. All they do is try and manipulate each other and force their ways through.

This will not work; for any two to walk together they need to agree. I want to share just two simple keys that can help us all to enjoy some life, joy and romance in our marriages.

Have a generally positive attitude towards your spouse. Attitude determines how you would treat your spouse.

If you are negative about them, I can assure you that you will rubbish them all the way. It helps to believe in your spouse and to trust them.

One of the reasons you are married to your spouse is that you first believed in them the day you saw them.

There is something in them or about them that inspired you. The better way is to keep believing in that. Many people see nothing good in their spouses.

They have allowed circumstances and experiences to cheat them and cause them believe a lie that they married a wrong person.

The moment you believe this, you stop working towards improving and sustaining your relationship. You begin to engage in actions that destroy you, your spouse and your relationship.

Troubles will always be there in any marriage but never allow these to cause you to doubt your love or your spouse’s love towards you. This is if you are genuinely interested in your spouse.

No one will invest his or her time and resources and emotions towards a spouse they do not trust or believe in. A positive attitude towards your spouse is a sign of walking in love.

Walking in love has nothing to do with your spouse’s performance. You just love them no matter what. I tell you, I crave for that kind of love.

Our challenge is that we want our spouses to earn our love.

We want them to work for it. We want our spouses to prove they deserve our love. This is all wrong and deception. We love them despite their mistakes.

This is true love. Love hopes for the best always and does not keep a record of evil or wrongs. They do not have to do anything to be loved by you, you love them regardless.

This is walking in love and this is the attitude we must carry towards our spouses if we are to enjoy marriage.

Marriages must reflect the love of God for us. While we were yet sinners, He loved and died for us. You will never get a perfect man or woman. All you need to do is change your attitude towards them.

View your spouse as your best friend. Friendship is vital. When spouses become friends, they share all things and do things together.

This keeps them bonded. One thing for sure that kills this spousal friendship is secrets. When a couple begins to hide things and have secret dealings unknown to each other, they are setting themselves for failure.

Your spouse is your number one friend. Your spouse knows your back, your going out and coming in. My suggestion is for you to spend time together, talk things, discuss issues, agree and disagree but keep united.

Secrets and lack of friendship open a loophole for the enemy to cheat you. Friends will always allow each other room to fail. Friends correct each other and encourage each other.

Friends pick up quarrels but stick together. Friends love, cry, fail and win together. Friends will celebrate each other. It’s difficult for most couple to celebrate each other.

They are not just involved with what the spouse is doing. You do not have to necessarily love what your spouse is doing but you just have to do it for them and for love and friendship.

In other words, never stop admiring your spouse. Stay inspired by them. Affirm them and always seek to impress your spouse more than other people.

Go out of your way for your spouse. Loving someone is sacrificial and you cannot fully love this person if you are not ready to sacrifice. By the way, learn to ignore some mistakes.

I mean do not be a traffic cop over your spouse but a lover and encourager. It’s the festive season, what are you planning as lovers?

Kilton Moyo is a pastor, guidance & counselling consultant and author of The Church at War. You can call or whatsApp on +263 775 207 or +263 712 384 841 or follow on twitter @pastorkkmoyo.