Relationships baffle many people these days. Many seem to lose themselves, their ability to think straight and self-control once they are in a romantic date and they do not even know when to say no, or yes.
Many do not even know when to stop and get out for their own security and progress.
I see and hear a lot of sad stories where people are trapped in relationships because they do not know what to do.
I just want to share a few things today that may help someone about to lose their future in a reckless relationship. These are just suggestions.
The million dollar question is; when does one get out of a dating relationship for their progress or safety?
There are many early danger warning signs that many of us ignore until we are in marriage and then suffer the consequences.
You need to be wise and vigilant to notice these and talk about them and if there is no change, the door is opened.
You lose nothing getting out of a date than in marriage. Most bad habits we grumble about in marriage, we saw during dating, but ignored because we thought we were in love or we did not want to lose our lover.
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Nothing is as painful and discouraging as committing yourself to someone who is not as equally committed.
For a relationship to grow and blossom, it requires commitment from the two involved.
It requires passion, but when one of you is passive and is not investing in the relationship, then you are in trouble.
There must be genuine investment of time, communication, passion, availability, gifts and friendship.
If you find that your date is not as forthcoming in these, I think you better think twice.
I know that some people, particularly, women, in such a situation would give their bodies to try to please an uncommitted date.
This is your greatest mistake. You can never buy their commitment with sex. You are just hurting yourself. I think it is unwise to push them to love you and commit. Why not end things and wait for a true lover.
Some people do not know what love is.
If you are a self–respecting individual and your date demands sex before marriage, I think it is a clear pointer you are in danger.
Frankly speaking you better do something lest you are about to lose your dignity and worthy.
If they love you and they want to marry you they will concentrate on building a relationship before they bed you.
Sex outside marriage does not build a relationship, it complicates matters.
Give your heart to someone who loves you and not necessarily your body.
If your date beats you up, this is a clear pointer of what might happen in marriage.
You can go ahead and marry them, but you might live to regret it.
People do not just become violent in marriage from nowhere like that.
You saw it in the early days, but you thought you were in love and ignored it.
They might apologise, but if you really know the characteristic of abusers, you had better save your soul now. They are sorry today, but will do it again tomorrow.
If they show hot temper and are always angry at you for whatever little mistake you make, this might be a sign of what they could do when you are married.
This is to say they have the potential to beat you up. If you love them I suggest you seek anger management lesson soonest.
If your date talks too much and complains too much about just everything. This could be a sign you are marrying trouble itself. It’s either they reform or you look somewhere else. You want to be involved with somebody who loves and appreciates you and not an abuser.
They are always drunk. There is no day for soberness with them.
They might have money or the glitter that you are looking for, but I think you are selling your peace and happiness.
Never think they will change. You are the one who will change with stress and depression. It depends entirely on what you want as an individual.
Marriage is not just having a man or woman; it is many things and good things for that matter. Do not compromise.
When you are afraid of your date. Instead of enjoying their presence, you feel frightened, but you think you love them.
There is no fear in perfect love. You better save yourself.
Beloved, consider your future. What kind of a man or woman would you like to spend your life with?
Marriage is not a temporary thing. It is a life commitment.
You get in until death. So be truthful with yourself while still dating.
They cheat on you with other girls or boys, but you still go ahead and marry them. That is recipe for disaster.
Kilton Moyo is a pastor, guidance and counselling consultant and author of The Sex Trap. Call or WhatsApp on +263 775 337 207/ +263 712 384 841.
