Marriage was never meant to be complicated and hard, as most of us experience. I think it was meant to be the most exciting and refreshing of all human relationships.
Imagine how excited Adam was when he set his eyes on Eve for the first time. A poetic anointing suddenly came on him: “This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called woman because she was taken out of Man,” Genesis 2:23.
The arrival of a wife brings revelation to a husband. It brings revelation of what God has done. Adam was asleep when God took his rib and made the woman, but see the revelation the moment the woman is brought to him.
Allow me to say, therefore, that marriage is a place of revelation and this could be the reason why the Bible says that he who finds a wife, finds a good thing. No man who is married is expected to remain ordinary and blind to the goodness of God, yet these days many have become so blind they cannot see what Adam saw in the woman they married.
Over the years the enemy has blinded men from seeing and embracing the mystery of God in their wives. Without that revelation, many husbands have become so insincere and unhelpful to the cause of marriage. Deceit and treachery have become the soul of this godly relationship causing millions a lot of pain. Nowadays many men just give their wives rings and never give them marriage.
Many sisters find themselves caught up in this trap. They wear expensive rings of gold, diamond and silver, but their marriages are a torture and hell on earth. In public, they appear expensive and yet in their marriages they are cheap and are treated as such.
You see, this generation has reduced marriage to a mere commercial about social and religious status. Many are marrying for status and for competition — never for love and commitment one to another. It is very easy to put a ring on that finger, but so difficult to be a husband or wife. Perhaps you still do not get what I am saying here, let me simplify.
It is good to wear a ring, but without your love and total commitment there is no marriage. Marriage is not necessarily the rings and outfits, but it is the connection of your hearts, emotions and souls. How committed are you to this woman that you claim to be married to?
Marriage is about caring for one another. When you care, you go all your way to do good and give the best gift humanity can give each other, love. You see, love cannot be bought or substituted by gold or silver. Love is too expensive for such precious earthly things.
Marriage is founded and built on this heavenly commodity called love. Without it there is no marriage. You can have all the money, gold, cars, designer clothes, shoes, food and hairstyles, but without love you have no marriage. We have many of our beautiful sisters locked up in this prison without love.
There is another category here too. Those sisters whose husbands cannot take care of them. No provisions and no love. When they raise a voice they are either beaten up or referred to the marriage certificate hanging on the walls or the rings on their fingers. These sisters are held prisoners in what they call marriage. They are never allowed to dream or become anything. They cannot go to school or work or even do anything except just being at home. This again is not marriage, beloved. This is not the purpose of marriage. There is no revelation in these kind of scenarios we have looked at.
Let me bring this down. Love does not know how to abuse what it loves. Love builds up, cares and empowers. Marriage is, therefore, built on this power of love. My call today is to every man out there to give his wife the marriage she deserves.
Go beyond the golden rings, money, status and whatever it is and give your wife love, honour and dignity. Unless you catch the same revelation Adam had, you will mess up the mystery of God and stand judged before Him. Do not just give the ring and continue pursuing small houses and other things. When you give the ring only, you continue with small houses, but when you give marriage, you stick to her and her alone and you will love and cherish her. Unless you have loved your wife, it might be difficult to love God with all your heart.
As husbands, we are called to the highest call of love: “Love your wife as Christ loved the Church and gave Himself for it,” (Ephesians 5:25).
It pays to stop where you are in your marital walk and make a progress review. Did you just give a ring or marriage?
Kilton Moyo writes in his own capacity as pastor, counsellor and author of The Sex Trap. Call or whatsApp on +263 775 337 207, +263 772 610 103 or +263 712 384 841.