What do you do when your spouse discovers you are cheating on them?

Do not pray for yourself always, but for your spouse
Do not pray for yourself always, but for your spouse

CHEATING by spouses has become a huge set back and a threat to marriage. It has become a serious scandal against marriage and is responsible to possibly half of divorces ever experienced. Last week we looked at what one could do if they discover their spouse was cheating.


Today let us look at what you could possibly do if you were caught cheating on your spouse. I am writing to those couples who have every intention to remain in their marriages and build it up until it is what they desire.

Those are men and women who will not quit no matter what. The Bible teaches that those who sow in tears shall reap in joy. If you are willing to put up a fight against the devil for your marriage then this is yours.

What do you do when you are caught? Do you commit suicide, fight, defend yourself, justify yourself, or walk out of your marriage like that? It depends entirely on what you want in life and what you understand about marriage.

Accept wrong doing with a genuine and repentant heart. Do not become arrogant like others do. Understand you are wrong and what you have done is totally wrong and show remorse. Do not blame anyone for it but yourself. Take full responsibility. I know that, culturally, men become arrogant and think they have a right to sin. No human being has a right to sin or to hurt another. Be vulnerable at least for a good cause.

Apologise and seek forgiveness. Again be genuine and truthful. Understand that your spouse is hurting and ashamed and will take time even to accept your apology. Stay there without putting them under pressure. Winning back a hurt spouse is like climbing Mount Kilimanjaro. It is hard and requires patience and determination. You might even look for help from reliable friends to help you. You will learn to communicate.

Stay in prayer. Repent your sins and ask God to help you in the crisis. Do not pray for yourself always, but for your spouse.

Stop and destroy the illicit affair and all other wrong connections. Walk out and do not look back. Tell the person to move on with themselves and leave you. You might need to prove this to your spouse. It becomes an assurance. Be serious with it.

Be careful what friends you keep in a time such as this. If any of your friends suggests anything contrary to rebuilding your relationship, I suggest you kick them out. At this time you need people who can help you at all cost to win back your spouse.

Remember that if you want to build, you walk with those who build. Infact at this hour do away with all the friends who supported you on your cheating. How do you expect them to support you on your rebuilding? They are not genuine. You never get the best value of your relationship if you cannot lose some relationships that can be a snare. Anything valuable is worth fighting for.

Rebuild love and romance. This is going to be a struggle, but you can win if you want. Prepare yourself to go for months without being intimate. It’s something you can suffer with dignity. Go out of your way to love and pamper your spouse particularly if you are the husband.

Completely change your ways. Be home on time. Spend time together. Stop your outings with your friends. Reassure your spouse and prove it. You will have to be supportive to help them melt that anger in their heart and deal with the shame of your actions. Remember that cheating has more pain on its victim than the perpetrator.

Once the storm is over, re-take your vows even in public and never look back. Trust each other and learn to support each other and keep no secrets in future. One way of ridiculing the devil and your shame is to use your experience as a testimony to help other couples. The world is looking for overcomers and you must understand that this life is a journey of warfare. Stop blaming yourselves and enjoy life.

Beloved no one deserves such pain and shame, but it will always come and it comes to anyone. When it comes your way, overcome and put the devil to shame. Do not allow anything take away your pleasure and joy like that. Life is not for quitters.

If you fall into temptation, learn to repent and run away from that sin or weakness and protect the ones you love. Do not destroy your marriage. Fight for it.

Kilton Moyo is creator of Fruitful Marriages, a renewal and enrichment programme and is pastor, counselor and author of The Sex Trap. Call or WhatsApp on +263 775 337 207, +263 772 610 103 or +263 712 384 841.