10 things I should have known before I got married!


A SUCCESSFUL relationship is based on what we put into it and not so much of what the other party brings to the table.

Like any other choices we make in life, marriage has a greater say of what will become of us. Today, let’s walk the less travelled road of things most people should have known before they got married.

Point 1: Sex never ceases to thrill
Sex is always great, but we should not let it drive us into ditches! Talking to a woman recently, she said she had intercourse with her boyfriend thinking that it would help them fortify their love, but regrettably the opposite became reality.

Simply put, the cake was cut before time and because there wasn’t so much of a prize to get it, they just decided there could be a better one and they walked away! Sex never ceased to be a thrill, but it is best in the right context.

Point 2: Living a lie kept me insecure Living a lie always had a question tag; What if one found out the truth about me or what I did? Living a lie makes you look for more lies to cover up for other lies.

First, be true to yourself and you won’t struggle to be true to others. Don’t bring false imagery and flattery into an affair.
Point 3: My looks where never the problem.

I never chose how I should look like, but I definitely choose how I felt and thought of myself. Outer beauty is inadequate until you realise and work on your inner beauty. It’s a rule in any facet of life, you first become successful internally.

The best you can tell yourself is that I am the best and anyone who comes into my life is just coming to complement the best that already exists in me.
Point 4: Group think wasn’t all for me
People, especially peers or even parents have their own perspectives of love, of who we really are which is not entirely true. I vividly, remember one close relative once saying I would amount to nothing in life.

Those words gnawed my deepest inner being! The tide turned, when I knew I am a great asset the world needs!
Point 5: Inner healing was necessary
Everyone has a past and at times we use our past experiences to judge our current realities. The past wounds, when brought into a relationship, may cause pain to the other party that doesn’t deserve to feel it.

I shouldn’t have brought my past pains into my relationship and my judgment would not have been that skewed. That nearly bogged me in my past more than I should have been focusing on my future.
Point 6: Rationale is better If only I was taught or leant how to control my body and emotions by using my head at a tender age I would have evaded most mistakes I made. Your body, your feelings and hormones should never supersede the power of your mind!

Point 7: No one is my dump site!
There are some relationships where only one partner is responsible for dousing every fire that flares. In every negative emotion, you expect your partner to bail you out. If only I learnt that before time that my spouse was not a dump site, I would not have burdened them with the baggage I carried.

It could be a bad mouth, nagging, sour emotions and negative attitudes. Work it out and never allow it to mar your marriage
Point 8: I should have known how to serve It’s easy to spot someone who is going to be great in life; they serve.

The best marriages are when husband and wife are of service to each other. Learn to shed excess power!
Point 9: When being right is not right at all There are times when being right is not that important, but forgiveness is the best.

I did not forgive because I thought I was right. If God dealt with us in relationship with the sins we committed, some of us would be outcasts. He draws us closer because of his forgiving love. The only time I saw the necessity of forgiveness was when I needed to be pardoned of the wrong I did. But why didn’t I do that first?

Parting point 10: Learning never stops
I should have known at my tender age that I have infinite capabilities so would be the person I would marry. I would not have wasted my time doing some trivialities. I would not have limited myself; neither was I going to put limit tags on other people.

Jonah Nyoni is an author, success coach and motivational speaker.
Tel: 0772 581 918.
Email: jonah@classicmail.co.za