What puts women off?

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Jonah Nyoni

I HAVE to make an abrupt u-turn from my leadership series and talk about relationships and marriage. The interviews I made during the week have proved that marriages and relationships are at stake and they need spicing and sprucing up.

There is more to it than people would flaunt their love in their public life. It becomes tricky to teach new tricks to an old dog, but as humans we need to constantly teach ourselves to be better. The big question for this platform becomes is: What puts women off?

Below Are some of the views I got:

“A man should love his woman and the rest fall into place”, Cathrine notes.

“Women need love and attention, whereas men need respect,” Percy Sithole says.

“Couples tend to get too used to each other (ukujaayelana, kujairana) and take each other for granted. They forget that you work on a relationship daily as they just let it move on autopilot. When in marriage, do those things you did while still courting/ dating. Go on dates, buy each other gifts to appreciate each other. Do little things for each other and liven your sex life (for married couples only) and pray together,” Sakhile Mpofu says.

“Stop wanting more from your spouse, start giving more each and every day. Great marriages, exciting marriages are created by choice and intent and the underlying core principle is giving more and not wanting more,” George W Nyabadza adds.

In my interview especially with women, I found these following sentiments resonating again and again as to what puts them off:

Being inexpressive
Men need to be more expressive. It’s not only showing love, but saying it.

A text message or a call does the trick. One woman had this to say, a men has to better fake it until he learns that what women love to hear naturally. A day should not pass without saying: “I love you” or “I miss you”. Say your compliments. Tell your woman she is beautiful. At least it shows you are thinking of your woman.

Lack of understanding of a woman
Most women say they are turned off by their men who do not want to learn what they like or what turns them on. The cash could be there, the car and everything, but that’s not the end to it all. Most women love being tickled, pampered and taken by positive surprises.

Less of foreplay
There is more to romance than just sex and that is called foreplay. One professional author on matters of relationships said that a woman has to be made ready for sex by use of creative romance. Some woman confessed of pains during sex because their body would not have been well prepared for that. A man should learn to understand the G-spot/ hot spot of their mate.

In addition to this, one of my interviewee Delight Ncube said: “I don’t know whether it’s because of our culture that women should wait for men to initiate sex. Foreplay can be done by anyone, anytime and anywhere. Sex shouldn’t be for bedroom only. We need to spice up our sex life.”

Bad kisses
A good breath leads to better kissing. During kissing there is so much exchange of saliva and a bad breath wafting through is an unwelcome intruder. You could be saying: “How do I tell that to my spouse?” The easy way is to complement them when their breath is good and he will always try to maintain what’s good.

Orgasm that will never be reached
In sex, everyone has to enjoy and if one does not get that, they feel used after the sex act. Some people are so self-centred to such an extent that what matters is their ecstasy only. Communication becomes a vital tool in the act of sex both by action and vocally.

Parting point: “Each marriage is authored differently depending on the mindset of the people in that marriage. Others are materialistic and others are not. Others chase competition to have while others focus on marriage development. Personally, I have been married for 16 years and our marriage has grown so great. In lack and in plenty. Sometimes when others deliver a car, I give a simple rose. Sometimes when others go to a five star hotel, we go to say Mugg n Bean for a cup of coffee. There is more to marriage than what people think.

The key element in a man and woman in a marriage is: They should never base their marriage on how others are doing theirs.

The two should sit down and determine the course of their marriage journeys. Yes, it is good to receive counsel, read books, but each marriage will be wired differently depending on how the two work it out” (Blessing Mutambara, business leader, south Africa).

Need I say more? Let’s keep the debate rolling on Facebook and WhatsApp! I love to hear from you.

 Jonah Nyoni is an author, success coach and motivational speaker.
Tel: 0772 581 918. Email: jonah@classicmail.co.za
Web: www.jonahnyoni.wordpress.com