THE condition of the heart is crucial in determining the quality of your marriage or any other relationship in life.
The Bible says so much about the human heart, but there are two things said about the heart that matter so much in what we are talking about today.
“Guard your heart for in it are issues of life”
And “As a man thinks in his heart so is he”. You see, the issues of life are in the heart and they spring from the heart.
The things that bother you and affect you positively or negatively are in the heart and your heart seems like it is in charge because what you think in your heart is what you are.
I will not be wrong therefore to assume that the quality of my life or marriage is originating from my heart.
The challenge is that we look elsewhere and waste so many resources investing on secondary things instead of the real thing. We spend so much time fighting others instead of the real thing. It is the heart that matters the most in your marriage.
Stop where you are and consider what is in your heart about your spouse or relationship. The heart makes the marriage.
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Many people think that their status in the community will build them a good marriage. Many think that their beauty, sexy eyes or legs will build them their marriages.
Many think that their religion, culture, money, talent or being popular will build them their marriages or relationships. Thesebeloved, cannot by themselves keep your marriage or make it work. Many have gone this way and failed.
It is unfortunate to think your appearance could sustain a marriage. Marriage is a relational thing and has not much to do with your appearance.
It has everything to do with the appearance of your heart. Instead of investing so much on these other things, I would like to encourage us to invest so much in our hearts.
What are you becoming in your heart as far as your marriage is concerned? Are you becoming more humbly or more wild? You can keep up the appearance —and this is good by the way— but if your heart is not right towards your spouse and towards marriage, you are bound to fail.
Relational problems are problems of the heart and not money, sex or other things that we accuse or blame.
In order to deal with your monetary issues in marriage, consider your heart. In order to deal with sexual issues, infidelity, and others, considers the heart. Deal with the heart because these things are coming from the heart.
What’s your heart like towards your in-laws or your daughter-in-law? Before you would blame even your spouse, I encourage you to take time to seriously consider your own heart.
Do you know you can conclude in your heart what your spouse is not and begin to accuse and blame them for what is in your heart and not what they are or doing?
Outside, we can be looking successful, flamboyant and all that but inside we are cracking. This is so when we ignore our hearts. The condition of your heart is crucial and if not checked you will crash.
We need to ‘mascara’ the heart more than our faces. Perhaps for now you can consider just a few things here.
Deliberately deal with your pride
Pride destroys many marriages and relationships. It starts with a better than you attitude. When you see no value in your spouse, it is a sign of pride and is your problem not your spouse’s problem. Deal with your pride. Many of us are victims of our pride.
Be teachable
If you think you cannot learn anything from your spouse, you are in trouble. Marriage is a place of character building. Your number one groomer and coach is your spouse and this learning is out of love and willingness.
Seek to serve and not served
Spouses that last the mile, learn to serve one another. Serving your spouse is a great opportunity to show and demonstrate your love and appreciation. I know that human culture wants the wife to serve the husband.
I think this is deception. Jesus came to serve and not to be served. The Jesus style of leadership is that leaders serve and we serve one another.
If you learn to serve one another you will destroy a lot of other foolish things and beliefs that have haunted many. Many couples fight over such things that my wife did not give me the food; she did not give me water to wash hands etc.
Be your spouse’s lover
Avoid carrying your community status into your marriage. You are a celebrity in your field of work but at home you are a lover of your spouse, do what lovers do.
Your status will not love your spouse for you. Again, check the heart. Marriage does not fail but people fail because of the heart condition.
Kilton Moyo is a pastor, guidance and counseling consultant and author of Responding to Personal Crisis.
Call or WhatsAp on +263 775 337 207/ +263 712 384 841.
