The mystery of women and their handbags

LET us put politics aside for a moment. You have to agree with me that it is a stressful endeavour.

The Last Straw with Lenox Lizwi Mhlanga

The inauguration? Enough said apart from the fact that the people who supplied the chicken made lots of money, if they were paid, that is. Let us lighten up a bit and broach a subject that many men will identify with.

I will be the first to admit that writing anything about women can be a tricky endeavour. In my experience, it’s like bungee jumping at the Victoria Falls Bridge . . . without the rope! It is very difficult to write positively about females without raising the temperature of males and vice versa.

However, this life is about taking risks like I do in this column all too often. Without doing so one achieves little or nothing. I have been married to the same woman for 19 years and in dog years that is a lot. I for one now know exactly why John Gray was motivated to write his bestselling book, Men are from Mars, Women from Venus, and yet he has never been an astronaut!

The so-called “Battle of the Sexes” is real, particularly when one broaches the subject of women who have risen to positions once exclusively male. For centuries we (meaning males) have, and deceptively so, maintained the false impression that we are in control.

That myth has been blown to smithereens with women now wondering if there is any use for men at all – except perhaps in procreation and that is also under serious threat I’m afraid. The danger of men becoming extinct should be taken as seriously as climate change or global warming.

A comedian once said that behind every successful man is a baffled woman. In many ways it’s a truism that implies that with all that a woman knows about her man’s weaknesses, it’s a miracle that men can achieve anything if left to their own devices.

Unbelievable as it might sound, there are men who appreciate the fact that the creation of Eve was a stroke of genius on God’s part. And for the record I am one of them, mainly because my wife will be reading this at some point. I am not stupid and so are you if you are a married man.

Where there is a feminine touch there is supposed to be eh . . . order. However, having mentioned all the niceties about the fairer sex, I hold my breath when it comes to what I will call the psychology of the handbag. This has had me baffled for ages and I am sure so is the rest of “malekind.”

We, meaning men, will never understand the attachment women have to their handbags. Far from being the fashion item it is touted to be, it’s a paradox. The handbag seemingly represents everything about a woman and more. It’s about the capacity to hold so many different things, but not being sure when to use them.

This explains why it becomes so difficult for women to locate things they have instinctively chucked into their handbags. Women take ages to find an irritatingly ringing cellphone, car keys, the code to unlocking nuclear weapons (sorry Michelle Obama) diaries, pins, needles, the family pet, telephone directory . . . lunch . . . take your pick.

This dilemma is so perilous that the person who will invent a gadget that makes it easy for women to locate items in their handbags will surely be awarded the Nobel Peace Prize. Forget about GPS, we want an “invisible lost item locator” for women. Not only will it eliminate the single most contentious issue between males and females being blamed for something that has been swallowed whole by a handbag, would also hear much less of the frustrated expression, “I am quite sure I put it in my handbag!”

A frustrated husband once remarked that the way his wife misplaced things in her handbag, he feared that she would lose the Mini Cooper he bought for her birthday . . . IN HER HANDBAG!

In the age where we now have women presidents, men shudder to imagine where we are all headed if women were to manage countries the same way they did their handbags.

But then in the wider scheme of things, handbags and clueless males fade into the cacophony that is everyday life. As positions that used to be exclusively male are “feminised,” and vice-versa, men have to face the grim reality of the male species headed for extinction. Particularly when we witness the fashion entry of . . . wait for it . . . manbags . . . HANDBAGS FOR MEN! Disaster on three legs if you ask me! Then that is the subject of a future article if I survive this one.

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