A SUCCESSFUL marriage is made of two people who endeavour to be successful first as individuals. Most responses I have had to our past series on marriages reveal that most people are throwing the buck to their counterparts.
I have not received a confession from a person saying I am the problem in the marriage and I need help, but most people point fingers at others.
Marriage is not a necessary evil as some people have purported. Neither is it for the convenience of sex only, but its built on core pillars that need to be observed. Marriage is an institution that’s constantly under construction.
As one gets married, they are united to a beautiful person, succulent and fresh, but as the time passes-on the beauty wines because of age. Flabbiness creeps in and wrinkles take over.
- What do you do?
We are fighting the greatest battle of our time. That’s divorce! If you watch closely, the family fabric is swiftly fading because of discordant marriages. What we watch on television and read from the Internet seems to be worsening the intensity of divorces. So, if we don’t engage this scourge head-on we could be the next victims of divorce.
Children are watching helplessly and haplessly at their parents’ broken marriages and they swear not to marry. Or if they get married they suffer the same problems that their parents went through. Their view point was tainted to accept that that’s what there is for marriage. In marriage there should be joy, fun, laughter and great romance.
I think God also loves to see His children in such a mood.
- Cut the apron strings
Some married people are still mama’s babies. They are under control and influence of their parents. They still, time and again go to their parents for reference. Parents’ advice is not entirely wrong, but you shouldn’t use their mould to make your own marriage. Every marriage is a new set up with unique individuals in it. The best you need to do is to “leave and cleave”. Leave your parents and cleave to your partner. To cleave is to be of one mind and purpose with the one you are in marriage with.
- Don’t bottle matters
Be open to each other. Be frank and friendly at the same time. It takes wisdom, don’t undress your partner in the presence of the people but make right time where you solve issues together. When small matters go unchecked, they mount up to big problems. Don’t pill the up!
- The bedroom was never a courtroom
Never use sex deprivation as a means to punish your spouse. One truth that we need to know as married people, is that sex is cheap to get from anywhere, but that shouldn’t be a scapegoat to cheating. Don’t deprive sex because one can find it anywhere as they so wish! I think the bedroom is the most sacred place for highest form in expressing love. Don’t bring issues into this room. Solve it early before sex. Some people have raped their spouses. How? Because the body needs sex even thought they are not congruent emotionally because of issues unresolved.
- I’m not your trash truck
Problems are inevitable. They could be manmade, self made or just natural. Let’s share them and solve them together as spouses. The situation becomes different when the other partner’s problems seem to be important and should be thrown to the other partner like garbage being starched into it truck. No one was meant to be someone’s problem carrier. This happens mainly with people that are “cry babies” or with the “give’ me” mentality.
- Bring something to the party babie!
When God made the first marriage He said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make an help meet for him” (Genesis 2:18). Eve came into Adam’s life to cover a specific emptiness in Adam. Whereas Adam was busy “dressing the garden” so to speak. They both brought something into the institution of marriage. We have a creative mind that has infinite ability. Use it! Everyone is unique and central in the marriage, so play your part.
- It’s not a one night stand
Hollywood movies have taught us that a person can hop from one bed to another and be a hero. This has made marriage to be a cheap project just to be quit anytime as one so wishes. This has had dire consequences to our society. To young people, it’s honourable not to open your body to ever person. Gold is not touched by everyone and that’s why it is valuable and expensive. One night of sex with a person you are not married to does not make you feel great. It cheapens you!
Parting point: I have vowed to make my marriage work. I work for it, I pray for it, I invest in it, I learn in it and I make a point I enjoy it to the best.
As a success coach, I never want to live a great life in other faculties of my life and fail with marriage. An 18th Century writer and printer Samuel Richardson, once said: “Marriage is the highest state of friendship. If happy, it lessens our cares by dividing them, at the same time that it doubles our pleasures by mutual participation.”
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