WHY did the Ndebele people make so much fuss about marriage? If one did not marry they complained so much that you finally did get married .
When you were married, but you decided that the marriage was no longer interesting (for whatever reason) and you now wanted to divorce you were up against society. It was the function of society to preserve the marriage institution. For what?
It has already been explained that in the majority of cases a boy and a girl fell in love not only for love’s sake but their ultimate desire was to marry and have a home of their own. The concept of home in Ndebele was different from that of the Westerners.
It included own stand (utshayelwa ihlahla), own huts built by self, own property, own children (not a home without) – in fact recognisable and identifiable own immovable and movable entity with huts, livestock, pens and arable land.
This is where relatives and friends visited to socialise. That is why the Ndebele said: “Hayi, kakusiwo muzi lo, umuzi ongethekelelwa ngabantu! The marriage institution was fulfilled if these conditions were present.
The man attained his full manhood and he gained respect and dignity which he could never realise outside of marriage. The woman removed the stigma of being unmarried and of being without children.
The ability to bear children (fertility) was a major element of marriage. Umfazi ongazaliyo yinyumba (a very painful word in Ndebele). Uyaxotshwa abuyiselwe kibo. She can negotiate with her family for an imbokodo/ umthanyelo. This has been explained in an earlier article .
It needs to be emphasised that before and until children are born by the man and the woman the marriage remains shaky and uncertain and if that fails altogether the marriage is on the rocks.
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Looked at from this angle procreation is not just the purpose and reason for marriage but the consummation of the marriage institution. This may sound metaphysical, but the Ndebele say that you cannot attain your “personness” if you are not married, kawuphelelanga, uyasilela ubunguwe.
To a great extent children bind a man and a woman together. The wife may be fed up and wish to leave but someone will say: “Hatshi MaDlamini, uth’usuhamba abantwabakho uzabatshiya lobani?
“Yebo, MaMkhosi, mama, uqinisile. Kungayisibo abantwana laba ngabe kade ngazihambela.”
Thus the children are a bond of the marriage. In Ndebele the children belong to the man. Yiyo inkunzi phela.
Umfazi yisitsha nje sokuphathela izinto zomnikazi. The man will easily marry another woman, but his wife will be reluctant to have her children brought up by another woman if she leaves them.
It happens sometimes that the wife is forced by circumstances to leave her matrimonial home (axotshwe yindoda kumbe abaleke). She must leave her children behind.
The father of the children will arrange that they are looked after either by his mother or sister or other female relative. The life of the children will never be the same as if they had their mother.
Because of the problems that may arise concerning the care of children negotiations may be had between the man’s family and his wife’s family resulting in her coming back (kuvele umfazi uyabuyiswa).
The procreation element had another dimension in the mind of the Ndebele which affected both the husband and wife, his wider family, the clan and the nation as a whole.
A man’s worth in society was measured by the number of children that he had. The greater the number of children that he had the greater was his standing in the community. That also boosted the image of the wife.
A home, a village with many children (and also polygamous in some cases) had a good prestidge in the community and conferred upon the marriage institution a mysterious and hallowed image. Ngumuzi loyana; umkhulu, uqinile, uyesabeka, uyahlonipheka.
The Ndebele tended to congregate in families and in clans. Mthimkulu built his , village, say by a nearby hill . He and his wife bore six sons and five daughters .
All the six sons when they got married built their villages next to their father’s hill or somewhere nearby .
In the course of time as more sons are born and marry the Mthethwa family increases to be Mthethwa clan and the Mthethwa tribe (sometimes groups adopting different surnames) spreads out within and multiplying the Ndebele nation . Obviously all this is accomplished through and within the marriage institution.
It is emphasised that the Ndebele people were very particular about bearing children. A marriage without children was no marriage. The man’s family would intervene and ask their son and even malokazana what the problem was.
“Hawu, kwathi nya, malokazaba, wala ulokhu ulambile nje sizaze simphathe nini umzukulu?” Or, “Wena Njondi, mntanami, i-i! Kuthini kanti sengizaze ngife ngingabelethanga umzukulu?” in the course of time confidential discussions were held within the family until the cause of the problem was established. Necessary remedial steps were taken as described in Part 2 of this series.
It will be seen from the above discussion that marriage was accepted as the only legitimate way of procreation. Any other means were discouraged and looked down upon.
A heavy fine was imposed upon a man who caused a pregnancy outside of marriage. In other words the Ndebele people encouraged the marriage institution as a form of societal and moral discipline. This was supported by the intricate ways of getting married.
The young man had to go through a tough time of negotiation and had to be disciplined to pass the test. We have seen also that the marriage institution was seen by the Ndebele as a means of preserving and increasing the nation.
The purity of the nation was preserved by disallowing Ndebele women to marry across tribal boundaries, but men could and did marry captured women because umfazi kalahole. Inkunzi iyawuntshintsha umhlobo.
We will next discuss the societal implications of the marriage institution.
