ONE of the biggest challenges faced in marriage these days is lack of oneness and unity in whatever couples are doing.
Most couples compromise in this area when they could agree on something by working it through to the end and thus, be still together.
This lack of unity kills the necessary cohesion needed in team effort to accomplish the marriage mandate. I think by now you agree with me that marriage is team work, a three-member team.
The team is the husband, wife and God. If these three are not of one-mind, the marriage suffers many things and its quality is compromised. I just want to share with you how you could achieve this one-mind goal in your marriage.
Team work makes the dream real and the task easy and achievable. Team work is necessary in marriage and promotes the necessary unity and intimacy needed to take your marriage through storms.
If you and your spouse work in isolation like most do, you are not achieving much and in fact, you are still strangers to each other. This isolationist tendency causes you to have too much secrets and this fuels mistrust.
Teams have one common goal and every marriage or couple must have one common goal. Daily you work towards this goal. If your minds are set on this one thing, unity is easy to achieve. You begin to open up and share your thoughts and emotions together as you move ahead.
Teamwork gives you a platform to equally contribute to your marriage and do so according to your abilities and talents. No one is sidelined in this set up and no one dominates another.
Instead you encourage and inspire each other. One‘s failure becomes yours and one’s success becomes yours too. You celebrate each other.
Plan together. I have said this before that family suffers lack of serious planning. It’s the beginning of the year and many companies, organisations and institutions are planning, strategising and refocusing so they can mobilise their efforts well towards a common goal.
It’s only the family that is expected to run without planning and vision. The lack of growth, and soundness in the family shows lack of vision and without vision people cast away restraint, live carelessly, get tired, confused and destroy each other.
Check what is happening with many families and you will see a people without a vision. Many families in our continent have no vision. They are driven by fate. As a couple, take time and plan.
What kind of a family or marriage do you want? Where do you want to be in the next year or in five years? How are you going to get there? If you operate on a plan, you will think together, stay together and be more united. Even if you differ on some modalities, it is not a conflict.
Fill your minds with God’s ideas of marriage. Marriage originates from God. He created it and for a purpose. To fully understand marriage and enjoy it, you must consider first its concepts from God.
What does God say about marriage? What does God say about how you treat each other in marriage? What is God saying about divorce?
What is God saying about adultery or “small houses” and the so called Ben 10s?
When there are no children in the marriage, what did they do in the Bible? Take time to read the Bible or attend marriage enrichment courses as a couple so you could become one even in thought.
If you are serious with your marriage, you will seek this kind of knowledge first. Our traditions and cultures teach a lot on these and some teachings are totally against the origins and foundations of marriage and this brings a lot of problems.
It pays, particularly in these days, to have God’s knowledge of marriage. Think what He thinks and speak what He speaks and this will give you victory.
See marriage from his point of view and your understanding of it will improve and you will begin to be in one mind with God over your marriage and joy begins to flow.
I said last week that marriage is not a prison of don’ts and dos. It is a place of love, unity, purposefulness and romance and it is you who make your marriage great, sweet or even bitter and dead.
Plan and work and achieve together. Stay blessed in that marriage. You can make it work.
Kilton Moyo is a pastor, guidance & counselling consultant and author of The Church at War. Call or WhatsApp on +263 775 337 207 or +263 712 384 841.