AS I have said before many of us in marriage struggle with keeping our passion for each other burning and growing. There are many reasons to this.
Serious lovers will work on their love for each other and protect it from getting cold. Let us look at how our expectations can help us keep the fire burning or put it out.
Have realistic expectations in your marriage Many of us get discouraged because we are expecting the impossible from our spouses. Expecting your spouse not to disappoint you is over expecting.
It is unrealistic. No one is perfect and your spouse, as human as they are, is going to disappoint you. You are not married to an angel, but a human being with many limitations and prone to temptations.
Focus on the things you like about your spouse There are some characteristics or body features you liked in your spouse. Do not let go of that. They keep you motivated.
The challenge with many of us is that we lose sight of these beautiful unifying things and focus on irritations. Irritations will cause you to always grumble and kill your admiration for the person.
To keep your love focused and growing, do not lose sight of all the good things in your spouse. Give people the grace to be human.
They have flaws and at the same time they have good things too. Builders of people or one another in marriage look at the good things and magnify these.
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Keep looking at those beautiful things you saw and loved while you were dating. These irritations have always been there but you ignored them because of what you had fallen in love with in your spouse.
What has happened to that love that covers all of wrongs?
In Romans 12:16, the Bible says: “Be of the same mind toward one another.” Did you know that if you think negative thoughts of your spouse it ignites negative thoughts in them and you begin to fight and draw apart?
Think about your spouse what you want them to think about you. Be comfortable in the truth that you are not married to an angel but a human being who can disappoint. Do not portray your spouse in a negative way.
Normally, the negative we portray comes back to haunt us. You are expected to protect and defend your spouse. Protect them even from your own expectations and demands and negative thoughts.
No one person can meet all your needs or even expectations.
It is unfair for you to expect your spouse to meet all your needs and to do everything for you. This discourages and can kill your own passion towards your spouse. The moment you see your spouse as a constant disappointment, you are in trouble.
Stop expecting your spouse to make you happy. Think of how you can make your spouse happy. I think this is healthier. You will be disappointed if you wait on other people to be responsible for your joy.
Take responsibility of yourself. Make others happy first so you can then receive the happiness. Remember life gives us what we put in. Do not expect from others what you are unable to do or give out yourself.
Many couples who complain that their spouses are cold and not doing this and that are also cold and not doing what they are expecting.
I think that is deception and it’s unfair on your spouse. Give to your spouse what you expect to get from them. When you fail to be this responsible you become insecure and so sensitive, your spouse is then afraid of hurting you. They no longer know how to behave around you. Anything offends you.
I think you are unfair and acting like a baby. Marriage is not for babies but for mature people who are patient with their spouses.
Have you ever seen spouses who are always tense and serious and easily annoyed even by laughter or a touch? Let me help you here.
Stop looking at your spouse to do things for you. That which you expect from them start doing it yourself to them now. They shall give it back.
You are responsible for the atmosphere in your marriage. Be normal and reasonable in your expectations and understand you dealing with limited humans.
Your duty is to love your spouse and not demand from them or change them. You cannot change anyone but love can because it is the nature of God who changes people. Love your spouse and leave the rest to God.
Kilton Moyo is a pastor, guidance and counselling consultant and author of the Sex Trap. You can call or WhatsApp on +263 775 337 207 or +263 712 384 841.
