AMAI, your prolonged absence from the political domain had been really worrying us. We wondered where you were, what you were up to and above all how you were.
We missed your ebullience and radiance that captivated us during your famous whirlwind “meet the people tour”. We have only memories of those vitriolic speeches that literally obliterated the formidable “gamatox” faction.
Amai, we missed you. We had gathered a rumour that you underwent an operation on your appendix. We want to know what transpired during the operation and how you are feeling after the removal of the offending vestigial organ.
We sincerely hope that you are recuperating from this minor operation with no complications.
Some of your inquisitive children have questions for you Amai. The piccanins want to know why you chose to go so far away instead of seeking help from nearby Madlambudzi Clinic, Parirenyatwa General Hospital, Mpilo Central Hospital, or even Murambinda Clinic.
Suspicion is rife that you chose a facility in the Far East for the simple reason that local hospitals are death-traps. Amai, you deserve the best hospital because fortune has smiled at you.
You are royalty Amai and royalty deserves the best! We can only imagine that you are cared for by the best that money can buy, the best a queen deserves.
We hope you are not subjected to extortion in the name of hospital fees since the East has been contaminated by the West in the art of making business out of people’s health miseries.
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We hope it comforts you to know that we place no financial limit on your health. If it means paying with our blood to get you into good health, we are prepared.
Is it true that you are spoiled for choice when it comes to the huge retinue of compassionate specialists and nurses who literally fall over each other to please you?
We can only wonder in awe as where you were was a far cry from Chinhoyi Provincial Hospital, Umguza Clinic, Maranda Clinic, Harare Central Hospital and other government hospitals. Amai, you are fortunate to have escaped these local morgues that masquerade as hospitals.
Back home Baba had been busy trying to sort out the payments for your health bill. He does not want to face the embarrassment of being blacklisted as a defaulter.
We are very confident that Baba will not need to sell his soul to the devil to raise hospital fees. In case you are not aware, Baba has taken up a second job as the chairman of the African Union to boost earnings lest the hospitals bills exert financial pressure on the family.
You might have heard that Baba is finding it hard to cope with the pressure of two jobs. Recently he tripped and fell when he came home from work. It was unpleasant seeing him fail to break the fall on his own in your absence as you are his pillar of support.
Had you been around, Baba would not have embarrassed us by falling and there would have been no talk of a gloomy outlook from the family’s detractors. Mischief-makers would not have taken pictures of Baba falling to fulfil the “don’t take photo” doctrine.
Amai, your army of admirers has been busy questioning the apparent separation of the family. A few people say Baba should not have left you in a far away country on your own.
People say just like Baba refused to go for the Africa-EU summit without you when you were denied a visa, he should not have gone to the African Union meeting without you.
Mischievous people are blaming Baba for leaving you on your own at a time you needed him the most. What happened to observing the “in sickness or in health” marital vow?
Amai, you need to alley some of the fears that are emerging. Your absence has been fuelling the gears of the rumour mill with unparalleled malice and hostility.
Notorious whispers seem to be negotiating a way into our midst. The rumour terrorists are peddling very sick gossip to the effect that Baba “baby dumped” you in the Far East in aid of his search for the next concubine since you are technically an invalid.
Beware of the spirit of Lady Heyfron that may be seeking revenge! Amai, karma operates like a female dog. We all know that Lady Heyfron was relegated to obscurity when she had terminal renal problems. Lady Hayfron’s illness resulted in the blossoming of the office romance.
Lady Heyfron was callously replaced by a dashing office temp as she waited for her eternal call. Amai, we pray for you that you do not experience anything like that.
You surely know that there are young gold-diggers and younger office orderlies out there who would not think twice to take your Romeo. Get well soon Amai. We pray for you.
Masola waDabudabu is a social commentator
