What to do if your spouse is having an affair

As unacceptable as cheating is, for many people it’s worth it to try to reconcile rather than divorce and face that nightmare too

As unacceptable as cheating is, for many people it’s worth it to try to reconcile rather than divorce and face that nightmare too

THIS is a very serious issue and I am certain many are caught up in its pain and wonder how best they can face up with its realities.

BY KILTON MOYO

To help the readers today, I want to expose you to what marriage expert, Mort Fertel founder of Marriage Fitness based in the United States, says about this issue.

He gives four ways to reconcile your relationship. This means that even when there is an affair, your relationship can be reconciled if you are interested. I read in the media that over 1 100 couples in Zimbabwe have registered to divorce this year alone.

This is a worrisome thing indeed. I am not sure of the reasons, but if one of the reasons is having affairs outside marriage, I present you here with four ways that can help you if you really want your marriage back.

My biggest challenge is that many couples no longer want to fight for their marriages and allow anything and everything to trample their marriages like that and just resign for divorce.

We are also failing to separate our love from issues and we mix things up and destroy relationships. But today, if you are still interested in your spouse, this is what Mort Fertel says and I concur.

For many, the response to a cheating spouse is kicking them out. But others want to reconcile despite being betrayed. They are willing to forgive and believe they can mend the marriage, says global marriage expert Mort Fertel.

Some people just can’t accept the idea of forgiving a cheating spouse, but you never know how you’ll react to that situation until it happens to you, it’s easy to say that cheating is unacceptable.

And of course, it is. But when you are faced with the consequences of ending a marriage—like weekends without the kids, less money, a smaller house, a lower standard of living, the prospect of dating again, and tearing up years of photos—many people can’t go there.

As unacceptable as cheating is, for many people it’s worth it to try to reconcile rather than divorce and face that nightmare too.

In other words, you shouldn’t assume that someone who sticks with a cheating partner is a mentally deranged masochist.

If you’re fed up, lawyer up—but if you want to save your marriage and reconcile your relationship, here’s some advice:

Don’t spy. If your spouse is having an affair, then your marriage needs a leader, not a follower.

Spying is another form of betrayal; it’s a violation of trust. Don’t go there. You’ll just add to the distrust in the marriage and make matters worse.

Instead, take the high road. Maintain your decency and integrity. Be a leader, not a follower.

Hang in there. The vast majority of affairs end within a year. Your spouse may think that he or she will be the exception, but affairs are relationships built on deceit and immorality, and things planted in polluted soil don’t grow well.

The affair will die. Don’t make an impulsive decision. Hang in there until the affair runs its natural course.

At that, you and your spouse might see your marriage and your future differently.

Kill them with kindness. He doesn’t deserve it? No kidding! But if you want to spoil his (or her) affair and turn your marriage around, don’t treat your spouse the way he treats you; treat your spouse the way you want him to treat you.

For many, the response to a cheating spouse is kicking them out. But others want to reconcile despite being betrayed. They’re willing to forgive and believe they can mend the marriage.

Adulterers want their spouse to leave them alone, give them space, that way they can feel emotionally free to philander. But when you extend kindness, it tugs on their conscience and ruins their justification for betraying you.

Seduce them. No one should ever do anything sexually they don’t want to do, but if you desire your spouse then go for it. You are not doing anything wrong.

The other man/woman is the mistress/mister; you are the wife/husband!
And to turn this around it’s helpful to rev up the sexual part of your relationship. Your friend may have told you, “Don’t let him have his cake and eat it too.”

Yeah, you’ll feel vindicated withholding sex.

But what will that accomplish? It’s punitive; it’s not healing. Show her (or him) what she (or he) will be missing if he takes his business elsewhere.

There is always an opportunity to turn things around and it all depends on your willingness. Do you want to build or destroy, preserve or let go.

I said it last time that the challenge with our generation is we have no patience to fix things but so fast in destroying. We give up and we think the next spouse is better. This is our mistake.

You can still reconcile your marriage. God bless you.

Kilton Moyo is creator of Fruitful Marriages, a renewal and enrichment programme and is pastor, counselor and author of The Sex Trap. Call or whatsap on +263 775 337 207, +263 772 610 103 or +263 712 384 841.

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