Last week we received many calls from both women and men asking us about today’s topic. Well, we are here to fulfil the promise we made, but let us start somewhere. 1 Peter 3: 7 says: “Husbands, likewise, dwell with them (wives) with understanding, giving honour to the wife, as to the weaker vessel and as being heirs together of the grace of life, that your prayers may not be hindered.”
Please note that “weaker vessel” in this scripture is not talking about moral stamina, strength of character or mental capacity, but its talking about sheer physical strength. Women are as moral and mentally strong as men. However, the soul of this scripture is in that spiritual fellowship with God and one another, as husband and wife, may be hindered by disregarding God’s instruction concerning the couple’s relationship. That is why we should seek to get understanding, in order to dwell with our wives within the desires of God who created marriage and us all. In other words, there is a greater need for husbands to understand their wives and relate with them in a manner that flourishes their fellowship and that with God too. I mean the husband-wife relationship should be very important to God, if He would respond with hindering fellowship with Him if it was not done accordingly. I think we need to take this seriously, particularly men in the church. I have seen a lot of pretence here. So, let me try and help you with only three things that I believe women desire so much in a marriage. It is my hope that we will try our best to improve on this as husbands. Attending our seminars and inviting us to your group meetings will sharpen you more on these things. We are holding seminars almost every weekend and we hope to meet you there.
Even in the scripture we used above, the Bible encourages husbands to “give honour to the wife” and not the other way round. Women love to be honoured by their husbands. They can easily connect to any man who honours them and treats them with care, dignity and “honour”. Remember this is a queen. Honour from the husband means you care and you value them. Honour builds their confidence and their self-worth. Praise them. Affirm them. Listen to me my brothers, women love attention from their men. Honour them by talking well about them among your friends, at your functions, among colleagues and whenever you have an opportunity to talk to any group of people. Acknowledge her whether she is present or not. You do not understand what that means to her being. It builds her up. When they are blushing like that, they are actually falling more in love with you. My brothers, let us give honour to our wives. Give your wife her space to be your wife and see the results.
Women love gifts. Gifts inspire them and open them up for your love. One of the biggest keys to the heart of a woman is a gift. It’s not about the size, quality and label of the gift, it’s about the thought. You are thinking of them when you bring them a gift and that alone inspires them so much. It shows you care. It shows you think of them. It shows you love them and that is what they love the most. It can be a sweet, a banana, a rose or a chocolate, a spray or anything affordable. It does not have to be very expensive considering that it must not be a once of thing. My encouragement is that you never come home empty-handed. Get anything as a gift and see your home light up, but know what they like.
Sweet words make the heart merry. Sweet words kill strife and inspire intimacy. Women are word-driven and motivated. They love words and sweet words are more pleasant to their spirits. Remember the words you used while proposing. They got you her heart and to keep nourishing that, you must continue with sweet words. I know that some of us once we marry them we become rough and hurt their being with cruel words and deeds. This is unfortunate, but if you want to build love and your relationship, love sweet words with your wife. I do not have to give you examples but you know exactly what to do and say. Words are builders of things brethren. Words can also destroy people and things. In Genesis 2:23 Adam, on seeing Even, spoke some of the sweetest words to her. “the bone of my bones, the flesh of my flesh.” These words accepted her and assured her of everything. A woman cannot resist such assurance, admiration and love. Words make it work more than we think.
Well, it’s always not as easy as I have put it. It is work and demands choice and determination. Are you a builder or destroyer? If you are building, these things and many more can help you. I think most of us husbands, need to learn to be lovers and speak in love and like lovers. I have always said we need to invest our time, lives and resources in building love in our marriages and families. This will transform nations. Beloved, some things must be learnt while others must be caught just like that. But how willing are you? I hope to meet you in one of the seminars soon and will be glad to keep sharing with most couples some awesome thoughts and insights. Love your wife as Christ Loved the Church.
Kilton Moyo is creator of Fruitful Marriages, a renewal and enrichment programme and is pastor, counsellor and author of The Sex Trap. Call or whatsapp on +263 775 337 207, +263 772 610 103 or +263 712 384 841.