SO IT’S finally confirmed. People really do think that women have to be married to be taken seriously.
Worse still, according to Kenyan Kiambu governor William Kabogo, single woman over the age of 35 are a peril to society.
“We must not elect leaders who do not have family values.
“I ask you women who are more than 35 years old and not married to get married as you are the reason men have problems,” he is quoted as having said.
According to citizennews.co.ke: “Kiambu county governor Kabogo has yet again made controversial remarks against women.
In his latest comments, Kabogo says unmarried women should not be elected into leadership because they have failed the home leadership test.
Last year, the governor suggested women leaders should undergo female genital mutilation.
The governor, however, claims his comments were taken out of context.
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Michael Njenga has the details.
While his remarks have sparked outrage in feminist circles, the truth is, there are thousands if not millions of men (and women too) who think just like him.
Should we shout him down for saying what you are thinking. The problem isn’t Kabogo — the problem is all of us.
The woman who describes herself as “very married” as if there are degrees of marriedness and she is on the extreme end of the range.
The man who tells his wife she has no business having friends who are unmarried because they will “lead her astray”.
The mother who cautions her daughter, “If you do this, you will not get married”
The single college graduates who greet male contemporaries with inquisitions about their intentions (read are you going to marry me or am I wasting my time) before the first date is half way through.
The church leader who reminds us that a woman needs a covering (read husband) for her life in the church to be complete.
All of us belong to one or another of these groups. All of us are as guilty as the good governor.
We are outraged at Kabogos mindset. There is baying for Kabogos blood, there are calls for his resignation and for public apologies.
But we all contribute to the perpetuation of this line of thinking one way or another; so when we have drunk our fill of Kabogo’s blood, then what?
We will wait until some other bumbling politician makes some other equally unfortunate remark. But what will have changed?
Let me not be misrepresented tomorrow: Marriage is a good thing. In fact, it is a wonderful thing. There is nothing wrong with wanting to be married, or wanting your child to be married.
However, as with talent, beauty, riches or other blessings, we cannot invalidate those who do not have what we have.
We cannot disqualify someone for not having an attribute that is not a requirement for success in that field.
The real change that needs to happen does not need to happen in houses of parliament; it does not need to happen in boardrooms, or congresses of women’s empowerment activists.
The change needs to happen in our kitchens, in our bathrooms and in our bedrooms.
It needs to happen in the language we use when we talk to our girl children and our boy children.
The change needs to happen in the dark recesses of our minds where fairy tales always end up with a marriage and a happily ever after.
