Hail, Her Excellency Madam President!

Reliable information filtering from State House indicates that the country’s First Lady, Amai Grace Marufu-Mugabe is being angled to take up the leadership of Zanu PF.

TO all the suffering, used, abused, misused and bemused people of Zimbabwe, the time to put a swift end to the cheesy “zvirikufaya” productions and all the associated shenanigans has come.

The “zvirikufaya” craze is now outdated as there are now more important and juicier proclamations of national interest to contend with.

The way things are evolving, Zimbabwe is set have a female head of state and government in the not-so-distant future.

Reliable information filtering from State House indicates that the country’s First Lady, Amai Grace Marufu-Mugabe is being angled to take up the leadership of Zanu PF. Strategists within the party have found a legitimate way to catapult Grace to a strong position before the inevitable happens.

The women’s league has now assumed the role of putting in place preparatory mechanism that will enable Grace’s smooth ascendency to power.

Influential members of the league who were gathered at Grace’s Gushungo Dairy Farm adopted a resolution to recommend to President Mugabe to appoint his wife to the position of secretary for the women’s league at the ruling party’s congress planned for December.

The apparent endorsement of the plan by the incumbent secretary for the women’s league Oppah Muchinguri sold away this as a carefully choreographed political move.

Incumbents in political positions do not give up political office that easily unless they have knowledge of the bigger picture of things. Muchinguri would not offer her post to another person just for the love of seeing herself jobless. She is well aware that this is a tactical move to install Grace into a politically influential position before she can take up the role of a first secretary and president of the politburo within Zanu PF and ultimately vie for the state president Mugabe, as gracious and humble as ever, will “heed” the women’s league request.

In a seemingly innocuous move Grace will be confirmed as a member of the politburo.

As soon as she gets a seat in the politburo the argument for a female head of state will gather momentum and Grace’s name will feature prominently.

It will not surprise many if Grace ends up as the sole candidate to take over from Mugabe. Sadly for some, her meteoric rise to the ultimate position will deal a coup de grace on the messy campaigns by the pseudo-front runners Emerson Mnangagwa and Joice Mujuru.

The ascension of Grace to power will have several effects and repercussions depending on where one stands. In regards to Mugabe, relinquishing power to someone he has shared both difficult and intimate moments with will guarantee his personal protection from possible prosecution for real and spurious human rights abuse cases.

Such protection will ensure his legacy is not tainted by embarrassing arraignments with unpalatable exposes’ in courts.

On a different chord, a powerful and emboldened Grace may send Mugabe to a retirement villa in Zvimba to give her unfettered latitude to pursue stately duties.

Grace could find it within her right to banish the old bull to Zvimba while she does what she and Mugabe did to Sally Mugabe as she nursed kidney problems. This will be Mugabe’s bad karma.

Whilst Mugabe lays languid and heartbroken in Zvimba, the people of Zimbabwe will derive solace from the fact that there is a Mugabe in power, thanks to the name’s resonance with the presidency. Grace’s rule will placate and allay the people’s fears as she will be seen as a suitable enforcer of the status quo. This will be so because generally Zimbabweans cannot deal with change.

Just like it took decades of pain and suffering for the people of India to exorcise the Gandhi spirit, the name Mugabe will remain entrenched in the people’s minds as the only name that is synonymous with Zimbabwe’s presidency. By a dint of her fortune and her adventurous nature, Grace bears the right name if not the legitimate off springs.

But then what will happen to the current crop of antagonists, protagonists, proponents and opponents?

The political landscape will change to reflect the new powerhouse. The opposition will be guided into a natural death through the promulgation of laws outlawing their existence. The internal factions will be bulldozed into accepting the new Mugabe through the use of milk and honey as objects of inducement.

Men like Mnangagwa and Jonathan Moyo will be deprived of milk by their women until they start saying grace before every meal.

Women in the class of Mujuru will be guided to where the honey is and they will join in the honey-licking orgies. Those who cannot be swayed into the new camp will be honey-trapped into embarrassing situations. Graceland will be the next Canaan.

Slowly but surely a breed of horned donkeys is coming home to roost with the cockerel. Do not take photo!

Masola waDabudabu is a social commentator