FOR SCHOLARS literature on this topic, if any, is sparse and thin.
Bits and pieces of information may be gleaned here and there in novels, but no attempt has been made to gather and consolidate any meaningful material about the marriage institution and to put it together in a systematic way.
Those authors who have said anything about marriage have given a descriptive account of what happens on the ground. There is certainly no literature of marriage at the interpretative level.
This is new ground for aspiring social researchers and I hope this article will excite somebody to chart the way.
We are constrained by space here to write a longer and more detailed account of marriage as an institution and to interpret its various ramifications.
In our last article we implied that although marriage was a result of love between a man and a woman their main desire was to marry and build up a home of their own where they could live as husband and wife.
In Ndebele umfazi kaphelelanga engelandoda lendoda kayilasithunzi nxa ingelamfazi. Izakufa ilahlwe legundwane.
We saw that all attempts were made by society to ensure that a man did get a wife and a woman got a husband, hence ukukhonjiselwa, ukhuphiwa, ukuzilahlela , ukubalekisa, ukuqukula, ukugoba idolo, ukulahlelwa. These were touched upon briefly in the last article.
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It is these cultural practices that ensured that the marriage institution was kept alive. We repeat that the intention and meaning of all that was that marriage was the desired form of social life among the Ndebele.
Impohlo? Hatshi, hatshi sibili. For the woman, no, we can’t say the unsayable! Lalabo ababesuka emzini okwakuthiwa kuyalumela khona labo babesenda babe lemizi.
It should be emphasised here that marriage was a measure of a man’s dignity and manhood. It’s shameful among the Ndebele that a grown up man will continue eating food cooked for him by his mother or by sisters.
Why doesn’t he get (the word is “take”) a wife to cook for him, to wash for him, ambasele umlilo njalo amendlalele? This is looked down upon in Ndebele.
That is why in Ndebele marriage was fundamental, the base from which all other social structures developed the home, parenthood, societal relationships and so on.
Marriage was a more serious affair than the Western hit-and-run business where only the young man (groom) and the young lady (the bride) are involved.
The Ndebele marriage involved a far wider circle of relatives, on both sides (groom’s and brides), neighbours and friends.
They were all witnesses to the union. It was not umtshado, but ukuthatha lokwenda. In place of the insincere vows that the insincere couple make before the insincere marriage officer (civil or church) the girl made sincere vows before her sincere parents and relatives: Sifikile, uyafuna sibili ukuyakwendela koMkhutshulwa? Umfana lo oyakwendela kuye uyamazi kuhle; kayikudlala ngawe? Njengoba bengabantu bezizweni lawe uzawadla amagundwane na? Very searching and fundamental questions.
They were being asked by a sincere and concerned group and not by some stylish and indifferent individual who merely goes through the motions, and in the English language for that matter.
Listen: Sifile, do you take this man, Jonathan , to be your wedded husband?” “Yes, I do”. Sounds like a joke in a comedy play. Not in Ndebele, uyakwenda, lapho asuke eseke wachiphiza izinyembezi. Kakudlalwa. Kakube uzimisele, mntanomuntu. What a strong institution !
While the above short description may help to capture the meaning of marriage in Ndebele it should be regarded as peripheral.
The Ndebele did not know the whiteman’s God who said: “Zalani lande.” Yet for them this natural injunction was the core of marriage, the first and urgent consideration. This is marriage for Procreation, nature’s way of preserving the human (and many other) species. If no children were forthcoming the marriage was on the rocks.
Unfortunately, inability to produce children was almost always blamed on the poor woman – ngumgqonqwa loba lidwala. No matter how much she was loved by her husband or by his family if she fails to bear children the picture changes completely.
She is useless and she must be taken back to her people. However, the fault, that inability to produce children may be of the man. Indoda kayizali.
The Ndebele had neat ways of dealing with the problem of inability to bear children:
Abantu babezazi izihlahla. Ezinye zazingezokumisa kanti ezinye zingezokuqinisa ubaba nxa ingubo zimehlula . This is to say that the Ndebele had and used special medicinal herbs which induced fertility in the woman or man or both. In many instances they were effective.
In the case of a man where inhloka livele lingagamuli or lingasagamuli special herb mixtures were made for him (imbiza kababa) and were kept in a special pot from which he occasionally took a swig. In time he gained the required strength and bore children.
In the case of a woman who was infertile her own people sent a substitute, umlamu who might be a young sister, a cousin or her brother’s daughter ukuthi ayemzalela (to bear children for her).
The children born of such a union legally belonged to the senior woman and not to the substitute. This way the purpose of matrimony was fulfilled and the once rocky marriage was strengthened. The senior woman, the wife, regained her dignity and status in the family.
The third method was a bit delicate and sensitive when it concerned the man who was infertile. This method was usually organised by old women (izalukazi).
They found a reason for sending away the woman’s husband for whatever period. In his absence they concurred with his wife to accept sexual relationship with the man’s young brother or umzawakhe with whom they arranged and secretly guarded the venue.
The husband must not stay away for too long so that the resulting pregnancy could be easily attributed to him.
The whole episode remained a guarded secret for all time indoda ihambe izitshaya isifuba isithi isizala, kanti siphundu kawuboni abantwana baphelile.
Read the next article for more information.
