DEPENDING from where you stand, I think generally, there are three greatest problems or challenges in today’s marriages.
By Kilton Moyo
Many couples are trapped in these destructive attitude games, “I married a wrong person”, and disconnection from spouse and the most unfortunate “I will fix you in the bedroom syndrome”. These are three enemies of marriage that you hear of these days. I want to focus on bedroom sanctions issue today.
It is heart-wrenching to hear of how many, married couples fix and sexually manipulate each other and still expect to lead a normal marriage life. Many bedrooms these days operate under heavy sanctions where husbands in particular are subjected to cruel treatment sexually.
Off course, there are some women who are also under sanctions. Instead of using sex as a blessing to each other and as marriage given way of edification and nourishment most couples use it to fight their personal battles and fix each other. Unfortunately the consequences of this action are far reaching.
I might not have statistics but there is a handful of well-meaning husbands who have been subjected to this kind of treatment and have finally succumbed and sought relief elsewhere. Some have gone to the extent of divorcing.
There are also a handful of well-meaning wives who find themselves under serious sanctions and have also sought nourishment elsewhere.
Imagine the chaos in the bedroom when couples begin to look elsewhere because of self-imposed destructive sanctions. I will not be exaggerating to say that sexual intimacy in marriage has been unreasonably abused.
Sex in marriage is a unifier and a life giver. It has nothing to do with the pressures of life and the effects of our economies and all that. It is not dependent on the presence or non- availability of the dollar in the family. It has nothing to do with whether or not the spouse left his/her shoes in the living room.
It has nothing to do with all these things that we hide behind and use as scapegoats. It is infact the life saver in marriage and a great stress reliever. The biggest deception in marriage today is the abuse of this great gift to marriage.
Many couples give a lot of excuses for their unwillingness to give. Remember that you do not get intimate for yourself but for your spouse. It is the biggest gift you can give one another in marriage. Love is a giver and the best gift of love is sexual intimacy.
It outweighs money, cars and everything else and there is nothing equal to it. That is one of the reasons it must be given in marriage only. When you give your spouse sex, you are giving yourself, your total self and life. This gift makes two people one. It is not to be based on how one feels, it is a gift every couple can afford, in poverty or riches, in joy or trouble.
It’s God given. It shows how much you value your spouse. This is the reason why it cannot be just given to every Jack and Jill like we are doing now. It is amazing how sex outside marriage is free and available while it is such a struggle in marriage.
This is to me the biggest scandal. If the enemy can control our sexual expressions in marriage and makes us manipulate each other, then nothing can save marriage. When intimacy is sparkling and healthy, marriage is sweet flowing despite the daily life challenges.
If you want to heal your marriage, remove sanctions and unnecessary attitudes towards your sex life. Sanctioning and manipulating creates; Resentment leading to disconnection. Couples begin to pull apart.
Anger and unnecessary moods creates enmity between couples.
Thoughts of adultery. Remember adultery starts in the mind and such behaviour in marriage acts as fuel to such thoughts. Off course others commit adultery even when there are no sanctions in their marriages.
Lack of respect by your spouse as they feel tense and angry at you.
Whatever the case, you can close so many loop-holes today by changing your sexual attitude towards your spouse. Do not give the enemy any more power to destroy your marriage.
Kilton Moyo writes in his own capacity as pastor, counselor and author of The Sex Trap. Call or Whatsapp on +263 775 337 207, +263 712 384 841 and +263 772 610 103