MODERN marriage is heavily afflicted by many things which result in very high divorce rates.
The sad thing is that even many Christian marriages are ending at divorce instead of at “till death do us part”. Well, it is a true fact that divorce is not God’s intention for any marriage. In actual fact, God hates divorce.
The Bible teaches against divorce and there are only two situations where the Bible allows it. I am not interested in that today, but I want to focus on what one could do when this monster has triumphed over them.
Divorce is painful. It is hurting and has lifelong effects on an individual. Its poison cannot be wished away like that; it does stay and goes deep. You see, marriage is between two people, husband and wife, who become “one flesh” in marriage.
One flesh is the spiritual realm of marriage and it is what God intends for every couple. You are two bodies joined together in marriage to become “one flesh”. It’s no longer two people, but its one person in two bodies.
These two are now glued together.
I want you to picture this. When you divorce, it’s like you are now cutting this “one flesh” being into two. This cutting is the most painful thing to do. Have you heard of Siamese twins?
They are born joined together somehow and doctors must cut through to separate them.
It’s painful. There is bleeding. Sometimes they lose their lives. They remain with a permanent scar on their bodies.
The same happens with divorce. You are cut through to separate in the spirit and it leaves you with great pain, scars and bleeding.
Many people are bleeding in their hearts. Spiritual scars run deep. The challenge we face today is that many of us allow our emotions to overrun us and we are so quick to rush for divorce settlement.
It has suddenly become like a fashionable thing and some people are making money out of it, destroying others and themselves in the process.
But now that divorce has taken place, how do you recover from it so you can pursue your dream? I am sure you do not want to throw your life into that dust bin, but you want to get up on your feet and pursue destiny.
Life is a long journey and on the way many things happen, and divorce could be one of them. Sharing these few thoughts with you does not mean I condone divorce.
I hate it as much as God hates it. But we must help our wounded brothers and sisters who are bleeding because of this.
Take enough time to mourn. Give it to you. Emotional transitioning is a tedious process. Do not suppress your emotions. Some people are driven by pride and a sense of revenge or trying to show the other person that you can make it and then rush into things only to worsen their situations.
Mourn enough. Only you can determine this, but you cannot downplay the truth that you are hurt and deeply so. However, do not mourn the rest of your life and fail to get up.
Control the blame game. Society blames and condemns even without facts. Do not allow them to burry you under blame and shaming. Do not seek to justify yourself also, but take full responsibility of the part you played in causing the divorce.
Forgive yourself for it so you can move on.
There is always something you also contributed to this situation. Be responsible enough to admit and forgive yourself.
One way of doing this is staying in the Word of God. The Word is medicine unto all flesh.
Face up to society. Do not run away from church. Instead, stay put and reconnect with God. Try to pay no attention to people’s gossip about your situation. Why not team up with those who care and love you.
Deal with bitterness.
Bitterness can always hamper or delay healing in your heart.
It becomes a stronghold that hurts you more than the situation you are in.
Bitterness can defile more than the situation and can cause more trouble to you (Hebrews 12:15). You deal with bitterness by forgiving the hurt and the person who has hurt you.
Let go, it’s all over. Lift up your eyes and see the future. Embrace God’s grace for you and rely on Him to lead you. For His grace is sufficient unto you.
Do not rush into a new relationship. This could be a trap. When you are not emotionally ready for another relationship, do not venture in. You are bound to vent your frustrations onto the new partner.
First heal totally and then, move on. Take time and allow God to deal with you and help you in all those things that might have led to the divorce. You do not want to repeat the same.
Seek godly counselling. Choose to heal and to live again. It’s all up to you.
Kilton Moyo is a pastor, guidance and counselling consultant and author of Responding to Personal Crisis. Call or WhatsApp on +263 775 337 207 or
0712 384 841.